TWENTY-SIX | Normal Change

Today’s Prompt: How have you changed in the past year?

It’s hard to really define how I changed in the past year. I think it’s hard to nail down. If I think back over the last few years it’s easier to define. The year of 2012 was thee scariest, hardest year of my small 27 years. I experienced a darkness I literally did not know was possible. The year of 2013 was stunningly bright. I experienced light in a way I didn’t know regular humans encountered. I encountered joy in a way that was miraculous. The year of 2014 has not been on either extreme. It has been more normal. I guess welcome to life right? At one time in my life I would have given anything for normal. But now that it’s here, normal seems hard. I’ve had good days and bad days. I’m not living in anxiety nor am I living in elated ecstasy. I’m not in weddings or attending funerals in this season. It’s good. It’s different. I’m not graduating. I’m not grieving. I still don’t like to get up early and I still need my coffee right away or the migraine monster will come. I still feel panic and I still feel pain and joy from time to time. I’m just living day by day, moment by moment in the here and now.

       Last year at this time I was working at the YMCA Youth and Family Services as a therapist. I felt absolutely stressed and overwhelmed at this job. I was 6 months married, living in San Diego. I was dreaming and planning of my sister’s wedding. I was making friends and enjoying our little apartment. Scott and I ate out a lot and bought coffee every day (mainly I did)

       This year I am working as a therapist at a high school and recently was hired at a treatment center as a counselor. I am still living in San Diego, hanging out with my same friends and growing in relationship to Scott. We are working harder at budgeting. We are spending less and cooking more at home. We still pray before we fall asleep. I am as always, so excited about fall and the holidays. I’m excited to see my family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I’m looking forward to my new jobs. Scott has a new job too, he is working for CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ) We are trying to become more missionally focused and invested in our community.

       I guess some consistency is really good for the soul. Normal is nurturing for the heart. This morning Scott and I got coffee at our favorite spot around the corner from our place, Dark Horse Coffee Roasters and took turns stating what we are grateful for before we both left our separate ways for work. We are grateful for so much. I don’t want to fall under the “spell” that normal is boring. I don’t want to need a crisis or a life altering moment to feel invested and engaged in my real life. I think after you’ve been through crisis though your brain can become accustomed to it and it’s hard to embrace today and tolerate normal. Good and bad news both cause anxiety and adrenaline to the brain. It can become addicting kind of like I need it.

Here is us having a normal good time in our apartment. 

       Today I am grateful for normal. I am grateful that the sun rises every day. I am grateful for our cozy+small apartment. I am grateful for our jobs and our friends and family. I am grateful for pumpkins.

       One more thing though, I really reallllyyyy am bored of my NORMAL hair. I want something new and exciting and fun and different. I can’t beat my angsty heart all the time, but I’ll take what I can get.  Normal is good.