Blog-Tember | Day 1 is HERE!!!!

Today's prompt: Introduce yourself however you like! Pics, vlog, collage, your choice :)

Hello! My name is Heather and I am excited to be doing The Blog-temper challenge over at The Brave Love Blog for my second year! Thanks for doing this again Bailey!

I live in San Diego with my husband and our Betta fish, Melvin. I moved out here 7 years ago from the Midwest (Minnesota, Nebraska) to pursue my masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. We live in an area that apparently has one of the “highest walking” rates in San Diego. Meaning: a cement urban jungle. But we really do enjoy all the art, fun-hole-in-the-wall eateries, coffee shops and neighborhoods we can walk to.

I am a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern and about 250 hours away from my 3,000 hours. Meaning I can finally start studying for licensure! What a long road this career has been. I am very excited for this upcoming year as I will be a lead therapist at 3 different schools, including an elementary school and a middle school. My bias is towards adolescents as that is where most of my experience lies. But I am super jazzed about the idea of being able to do play therapy and work with small humans and their creative brains.

My husband is currently starting a new job with Young Life. He is going to be the Young Life College Coordinator. He loves college ministry and is looking forward to more mentoring and building community among smaller colleges in the San Diego region. We are currently working on fundraising!

I got into blogging during graduate school as I have always loved to write and this seemed like a good outlet for me. I received my Bachelors in Interpersonal Communication. As much as I dreamed up being a journalist I just couldn’t force myself into loving that style of writing. I just wanted to write what fell out of my head (which wasn’t exactly what a dry journalistic story was about) I had journaled for years, going through full notebooks in 2 months. So when blogging came into the picture, imagine my thrill! Only now I try not to write everything that falls out of my head. Heheheh.

My lovely family is spread out all over Southern California, Northern California, New Hampshire, Florida, Minnesota, Oklahoma, South Dakota and North Dakota. (am I missing any?) Needless to say my phone is pretty important to me as well as traveling and my Airfare Watchdog app. I have nightmares about dropping my phone and being unable to reach anyone constantly. My sisters are some of my best friends and I can’t imagine what my life would have looked like without them. I would say I got my sense of wonder and travel from my dad and my sense of cozy, warmth and grounded-ness from my mom. So it’s worked out to be a pretty good balance. 

I am grateful to have some pretty great friends as well. We play a lot of games together (think board games and lawn games) as well as movie nights, art nights and the occasional mini-golf night. We share a lot of dinners together. We talk a lot about growth and the HARD stuff and I am so much braver because of their presence in my life.  On days I am living out of security and less out of frantic hustling, I tell people I am rich because of them. They have made me rich more than any mansion or savings account could.

Favorite things include; cold brew lattes, yoga, the smell of Anthropologie, nature, the monastery garden near our house, the beach on a rainy day, chocolate almonds, books, writing, highly sensitive people, water color pencils, pedicures, movies and popcorn, a good story, essential oils, therapy, thunderstorms, birthdays, Parks and Recreation and the Mindy Project, the smell of lavender, Labrador puppies, self-compassion, learning, gourmet waffles, the Fall season, teaching on body image, anything cozy, libraries and bookstores, cucumbers, cabins on lakes, crafts, massages, hand-written letters, dusk, body positivity, comedy, lighthouses, sarcasm, Italy’s pasta, sleeping in, Darling magazine, windows, all the colors,  pumpkin spice candles, photography, paint, weird faces, light-bulb moments, deep breathing, flowers, peppermint oil, sharpies, being able to see the stars, planners, shopping for gifts, lists, the clouds, and every time I experience Love winning.  

Non-favorite things include: getting up early, not having coffee, dark carpet, headaches, ticking clocks, the sound of sirens and garbage trucks, turtlenecks, kidney beans,  geometry, being too warm, dealing with insurance, feeling judged, milk, itchy wool sweaters, the DMV, sweating, feeling shame, sexist TV shows, injustice, having to call CPS, mosquitos, THE FAIR, traffic, hospitals, car shopping, baking for large groups of people, horror movies, long lines, humidity, tight clothing, airplane restrooms, paying a parking ticket.

If you want to know more about me you can go HERE and if you want to read more about my love of books you could explore over HERE. :)

Anything you find in common with me? I’m excited to get to know you too and am looking forward to meeting all of you!

Training Confessions Update

Today I woke at 6:45am. For those of you that think this is early* I’d like to apologize for anything that comes after this sentence.

WAKING UP EARLY* IS HARD.

I have been going at it for about a week now. I even went to the 9am church service on Sunday which I would NEVER WILLINGLY do but right now it’s important I have things to do in the morning. I’ve also been attending the IVAT conference (Institute on Violence, Abuse and Trauma). If listening to a session about how people use Scripture to justify abuse and corporal punishment of children at 8:30 am won’t wake you up, I don’t know what will.

Thank you for all your tips and encouragement. You all have been so kind and have humored me greatly. I really want to tell you some great newsflash about how waking up early* has changed my life but I’ve got nothing. It’s still morning after all. Still drinking my coffee.

Thankfully I am participating in this year’s Blog-tember-challenge for the month of September so I have been working on the prompts in the mornings as well. I guess that’s what I’ve learned. It helps to have something to do in order to motivate one self to get out of bed.

Only one more week till my first day at the new job! If I encounter any profound wisdom during my training program I will be sure to share it.

Btw, my trainer is in good spirits. I think he MIGHT be tired of telling me to get up early* each morning. (more than once or twice or wait….never mind…unnecessary information)

Now at least I can empathize with how he feels come 9pm every night. He is lethargic and sleepy. I, on the other hand, am ready to conquer the world, have a passionate discussion on public policy regarding prostitution or go on an adventure. But come early* morning as Scott wants to discuss all his dreams and plans for the day as well as the stock market, I am the sleepy grumpy one. It’s hard to string a sentence together much less make any kind of nonverbal gesture regarding the stock market besides a yawn.

Goodnight morning.

*Heather’s definition of early is used throughout this blog

** General public’s definition of hard; including but not limited to geometry, running a marathon, making homemade pasta noodles from scratch, hiding inside a fish bowl, or owning a unicorn as a pet.

TRAINING Confessions

Today I started my two-week-training program before I start my new job. Scott is my official trainer. The other day someone seemed very interested in my training program. They were all, “What kind of work-out do you do?”

Oh that. I’m training to wake UP.

Huh?

Yes. To get UP and OUT of bed each morning.

There will be no exercise regime. Are you serious?! It’s enough to get out of bed before 10:30 am. You see, not much has changed since kindergarten for me. Come summer, it is time to sleep in. Now that I work at a school, the same applies.

All summer I’ve been sleeping in like it’s my job unless of course it’s my job to go on vacation then I CONSIDER getting up before noon.

But seriously I am NOT a morning person. I hate getting up. I hate questions and conversations in the morning. I don’t like the way my feet feel when they hit the floor in the morning. All I can think about is getting coffee. Sometimes I stand in one place for a long time staring off into space (at least this is what Scott has told me he has observed).

Scott is most productive in the morning. He makes breakfast and cleans the entire kitchen and generally sets up appointments in the mornings. He goes on walks around the neighborhood and reads his Bible.  I think he’s crazy but to each their own. God DOES NOT meet people in the mornings. His business hours start at noon just like mine. God and I are similar like that.

So today was my first day. I went to bed at 12:30 and Scott suggested 7:30 as a good way to “ease into” waking up in the morning. EASE INTO IT! WHAT A JOKE!!!

Nonetheless I set my alarm for 7:30. I got out of bed at 8am which is a miracle. I was mainly motivated to see if it is actually cool outside at this hour before the scorching heat hits #augustproblems. I went for a walk around the neighborhood and it was calm AND COOL. And people were heading to work. I stared at everyone suspiciously. Like why are they awake and up and walking around?!!

You know how people are suspicious around those who are out at 11pm on a Tuesday night. Like why are they walking around the neighborhood or getting into their car. Where are they going?!! That’s how I feel about people in the morning. In my head, they are probably off to do something super shady at 8am. Cause it’s silly to leave your house before noon.

Anyway…I took a walk AND I headed to Dark Horse for sanity reasons. And now I’m writing so I think so far it’s been a win. I feel very accomplished. It’s just weird to have the whole day ahead of me. What shall I do next?

If you like mornings or have tips for me please leave them below. Or if you just want to encourage me that would be much appreciated. In two weeks I have to go back to work and I’m going to have an hour commute. I can’t even FATHOM how early my training schedule will be next week.

Photo Credit goes to my trainer: Scott McGhee

This is proof training is working because now I need 

naps in the middle of the afternoon. 

  

Bringing The Heat

Seven years ago, around this time, I was planning. I was living in a townhouse only a couple blocks from the Waconia Lake located in a small town in Minnesota. There was 7 of us living in that two-story town house that summer 7 years ago. I had just graduated with my bachelors in interpersonal communication. I was working with two of my best friends and roommates as an admission counselor at my college. Lots of phone calls. Many coffee breaks.

Seven years ago I was dreaming of picking up and moving all I knew and understood and driving across the country to San Diego. Somehow I roped my college roommate, Janice, into this extravagant adventure without the slightest idea of how we were practically going to make this all work. I believe we shook hands one day (probably in our pajamas…it was very official) on our commitment to move to San Diego. And that was that. We packed as much as we could in our little cars and made the long drive out to San Diego.

In its beginning, dreaming stages, San Diego to me was magical and stunning. It was a spot I had vacationed to with my family. It was where my mission trip had debriefed multiple times after working at an orphanage in Tijuana. It was full of sparkling beaches and exotic palm trees. It was entirely counter-cultural to the Midwest and it evoked my curiosity and wonder.

San Diego though, however grew hard. Picking up and leaving all my friends was difficult. Now I was a flight away from my family, not just a day-long road trip. I left my Christian college bubble that was an anchor for me. I felt floaty in San Diego. Like real floaty. I had come very used to having multiple best friends and many good friends. In San Diego I had Janice. And thank goodness I had one friend. Without her things would have looked very different for me. Connecting with people post-college was nothing like the college community and dorm life. It was strange and weird. It was like I was still learning how to date romantically but in some ways I had to re-learn how to become friends with people. It was awkward. I never knew how close people wanted to become and everyone seemed to have a secret-San-Diego language I knew nothing about.

San Diego was hard for a very very long time. Years actually. Sometimes I hated San Diego. Sometime I would shout about moving across the country. Sometimes I would get so fed up I would blame all my problems on San Diego. San Diego was so dumb and hot and full of traffic and tourists!

When I look back on The Hard I remember so vividly the heat. It was suffocating. I was always sweating. There are so many things I could remember about what was difficult in my transition but the heat is what feels most memorable in some ways. It’s like the heat was turned up in my life. I was being refined and it felt like hell.

In San Diego I experienced a lot of not-so-good firsts. I experienced gut-wrenching heartbreak. I dealt with being anorexic and body obsessions. I dealt with awful chronic foot pain that was so debilitating that all I wanted to do was lay down on my bed much earlier than necessary to stop the aching. Some of the new friends I made, I lost. God felt far even though I would pray and sit in church each Sunday. I encountered paralyzing panic unlike anything I experienced previous in my life or since. I experienced the loss and death of a good friend.

I made some pretty non-nurturing choices during this time like not eating enough and drinking just a little too much. I was working seven jobs at one point, straining and draining all my physical and mental energy. I felt like I had to stay frantic and busy to feel good enough. I chose clubs and bars to frequent and it made me feel numb but only for a second. I know bars aren’t bad intrinsically, Scott and I like to grab drinks with our friends on occasion, but at that time though, I felt unbelievably small and fragile and didn’t even know it. The bars did not nurture me the way my soul craved. It left me with a dead end. If you’re lonely, you won’t find what you need at a bar. It’s that simple. You just won’t.

Part of me doesn’t even really know why or how but I just stayed in San Diego. For one, I was determined to finish up my master’s degree. But I think another part of me really wanted to give San Diego a fair shot. I just leaned in a little bit closer. I whispered to San Diego so that no one could hear, hey you, I’m not giving up just yet.

And then I started to have some other very-positive-firsts in San Diego. I graduated with my master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. I became a therapist. I got engaged. I had a wedding. I married my best friend. I honeymooned in Italy. All beautiful and shiny firsts. I found a new church and a huge mob of artistic, smart, creative, and warm friends just when I needed it most.

I found a neighborhood I loved and a coffee shop I adore. I recovered from my eating disorder. I learned that deep breathing was a super power.

A lot of people were skeptical of my choice to move away from my Midwest roots out to San Diego. A lot of people made comments about how “liberal” and “crazy” everyone was.  They told me I was going to live with all the “fruits and nuts” and then they would laugh at their own joke. People told me it would be easy to lose my faith. Whenever anything bad happened to me, people seemed eager to blame it on the city I lived in. Bad burrito? That’s California’s fault. Financial strain? Blame it on San Diego. (but seriously this IS San Diego’s fault) Boyfriends who hurt you? Standard southern California problem.

Now that I think about it’s a bit irrational to believe all those statements. And every state has some reputation or joke. Most people have good intentions. But being a Midwest girl, who grew up in the church and had “conservative” and “republican” and “modesty” closely attached to what Christianity meant to me, I, too, felt skeptical of San Diego and all it’s “wildness”.

You know what I encountered in San Diego?

God.

Yes He was here too.

With all those crazzzzy liberals.

I know I was surprised too.

God just doesn’t seem to be limited by where we think He should reside. God just takes up every corner and space of the whole earth.

I am so grateful.

San Diego leaned right back at me. San Diego’s heat didn’t exhaust and irritate me like it did previously. San Diego nurtured me in a way I didn’t know it could. It showed me friends that became family, a church that felt like an actual neighborhood potluck, it gave me Scott. San Diego gave me recovery and in many ways, gave me my body back. In a lot of ways, San Diego hasn’t changed that much. Let’s be real. It’s temperature stays around 70 and in the summer it can still reach a scorching 90. It still has the beach that glimmers and the palm trees that sway. I’m still obsessed with the Thai food and the Pho here.

When I think about San Diego I think about growth because I can’t separate the two. San Diego symbolizes growth to me. San Diego is where I grew.

Growth is so so SO painful sometimes. It goes on and on and on.

And sometimes you want to throw in the towel and yell

SCREW YOU GROWTH!!! I PICK THE EASY WAY!!!

Which we all know, really, isn’t the easy way in the long run.

Growth is like that. It brings THE HEAT.

You lean in and it leans right back.

You give it some attention and it will give you attention right back.

Growth isn’t a genie in a bottle like we all wish it were. It feels brutal.

But growth always takes you somewhere and it always takes you somewhere good. This I know.

Thanks San Diego for all the growth.

P.S. I am still a Midwest girl. I love the land, the space and emphasis on values and being friendly. I’m also a California girl now too. Which I guess means I’m WILD and kinda crazy. #thrilled

My Summer Reading List

Hello friends! Summer is here which means it's a great time to pick up something fun and thought-provoking to read! Next week Scott and I leave for vacation and I am looking for a couple more books to read as well. Any recommendations are appreciated :)

• Faith Unraveled by Rachel Held Evans

• Searching For Sunday by Rachel Held Evans

• Introduction to Internal Family Systems by Richard C. Schwartz

• I Thought It Was Just Me by Brene Brown (yes, still haven't finished. #longlivebookclub)

• Peculiar Treasures by Robin Jones Gunn

• On a Whim by Robin Jones Gunn

• Coming Attractions by Robin Jones Gunn

• Finally and Forever by Robin Jones Gunn

• Headstrong by Rachel Swaby (click here for my review on this book!)

• Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

• The Penderwicks: A Summer Tale Of Four Sisters... by Jeanne Birdsail

• The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron

• The Rosy Project by Graeme Simsion

There is my list! I am so excited for August and September when Rising Strong by Brene Brown comes out! And the final book in the married series of Christy Miller by Robin Jones Gunn. #fangirl Lastly in September Mindy Kaling's latest book comes out! Just a reading party waiting for me! 

True Love Waits And Virgin Gates: 5 Harmful Messages Purity Culture Taught Me

Growing up in the church and culture I did, I couldn’t conceive of a Christian not knowing about “purity culture”. But lo and behold, I met my husband, in seminary, who had never been exposed to it.

Just so no one feels left out, here are the details.

Purity culture is a belief system as well as a lifestyle that places high emphasis on virginity before marriage (i.e. abstinence for those of you not familiar with purity culture) while maintaining emotional purity. The emphasis historically seems to have been placed on females maintaining virginity as well as staying away from sexual thoughts or any sexual activity. Purity culture can include purity balls, purity rings, purity pledges, and a specific modest dress code. (Think avoiding short shorts,spaghetti strap tank tops, red lips and mini skirts) AND PLEASE FOR YOUR LOVE OF THE LORD: DON'T WEAR A TUBE TOP. Since purity culture was a way of life, it also involved certain types of movies and books. I specifically remember one movie involving a teenage girl with mossy brown hair who became pregnant and her life was basically over*. There was terribly sad dramatic music and even worse acting. And the father-of-child seemed to be entirely missing in action from what I recall. (If you are envisioning Teen Mom from MTV, it's not quite like that.... think more Lifetime). Generally purity culture believes in abstinence-only sex education in public schools. In some purity cultures, people give up dating for courtship or even marriages arranged by parents.

From what I’ve come to understand the purity culture started in response partially due to the mid-20^th century sexual revolution. Around the 1980’s conservative evangelicals wanted to move back to prioritizing sexual purity. To be pure meant you didn’t engage in any sexual activity before you were married, you guarded your heart and dressed modestly. It encompassed the heart, soul, mind and body. This was no easy vow.

The first purity ball was held in 1998 in Colorado (yes I said purity ball.) Fathers and daughters dress up and attend this ceremony or ball. Daughters make a pledge of purity to their fathers and to God. In a lot of cultures, the daughter is considered under her father’s authority until the day she says her vows to her husband. After that the daughter is under the husband’s authority.

In my family, we weren’t that extreme. I don’t remember attending a ball or moving from being under father's authority to husband's authority. Our marriage was certainly not arranged. However I do remember picking out a purity ring with my dad as a child. I do remember dressing up for a ceremony at our church when I was 13 years old with my best friend Hannah.

At that time, it was rather exciting because I got to dress up and look fancy. It was also exciting because one of my favorite things to do was to go shopping with my dad. Usually I would shop for toys and later clothes. But this time was special. I got to shop for jewelry! I chose a ring that had 3 little hearts clustered together. The big heart was my promise to God to remain pure till my wedding day. The two other small hearts represented my promise to my parents and then my future husband.

For further disclaimer I would also like to note that I am not blaming my parents for living during the purity culture. After all, they had just witnessed this crazy sex revolution and now their oldest daughter was 13! How terrifying! I’m not a parent, but working with minors and high-school students has helped me empathize with my parents. Once I have children I am not going to want them to engage in numerous sexual activities at the age of 13! Thinking about children without their brains being fully developed and wandering around with raging hormones is absolutely terrifying.

I am also the kind of person who if you tell me to run one mile, I will run 5 miles. If you ask me to read one chapter, I will read the whole book. So imagine my personality living in the purity culture. You tell me to stay pure? Well, that meant no kissing, no two-piece swimsuits, no feelings that resembled anything close to sexual desire. What can I say, to my detriment, I have always leaned towards the extreme.

Nonetheless at some point, it’s good to challenge some of cultural’s constructs that were not helpful so that we can move and grow from here. After what I went through, I want to encourage others to be a critical consumer of what the purity culture teaches. Though the purity culture came with noble intent, there are some truly harmful messages I encountered that I would like to share. 

    1.   Purity Culture Teaches Men It’s Okay and Normal To Objectify Women (and also promotes sexism): Ever since I was little I felt uncomfortable with the way Evangelical Christians talked about men and sex. Books like For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn terrified me and made think that men were out of control sex-obsessed creatures. (which, in her defense, was probably not her intention at all) In truth, I’m sure this notion made men feel similarly. They probably felt like they had no control over their own bodies. I always felt confused about bold statements about “men being visual” and that short skirts and shorts turned them on so much they could have an erection right then and there. No one ever cared about my experience as a female. No one asked if I was visual. In fact, I consider myself to be a visual learner and one who is drawn to color and art and fashion. Purity Culture taught me that I was responsible to control and help men’s “lust problems” by dressing modestly, not looking at them a certain way and by avoiding all signs of physical affection. This was detrimental to me because it caused me to feel responsible for someone else. It was a very co-dependent system if you ask me.

      2.   Purity Culture Teaches You To Obsess About Sex At An Early Age: Let’s be real. If you live in our culture, Christian or not, everyone seems to be a little obsessed with sex. (take for example how much money the porn industry is making: however this is violence and not sex soooooo….mute point) However Purity Culture taught me to obsess about sex long before I was ready to think about it. I made a vow to abstain from sex before I knew what it was or even if knew if I wanted it. I learned that it was of utmost importance to keep my virginity and hopefully to find a man who did the same for me. When I should have been focused on school, my friends, and being young, I was already obsessed and terrified of purity. I was terrified of being raped. I was paranoid that every boy was lusting after me. I was scared that I would date a guy who had sex with countless other girls. These are not the things a 12, 13 or 14 year-old-girl should be worrying about. I could have been thinking about what I wanted to do when I grew up or thinking about ways to pursue my hobbies. But instead I ruminated about purity.

    3.   Purity Culture Teaches You That Your Body Is The Enemy: This has been one of the most hurtful and detrimental to me personally. Purity culture taught me to bully my body into submission. Purity culture taught me that discipline was the highest of virtues. People who couldn’t control their bodies like me were lazy and dumb. I had so much pride in how I could control my body. I didn’t understand people who over-ate, did drugs or had sex. Little did I know how hurtful this was to me and my relationship with my body. Since sexual desires came from my body, purity culture made me believe that my body was the enemy and could not be trusted. Thus, if my body felt sexual attraction, it was my job to kill that feeling. Yet my tendencies to take things to the extreme didn’t let me stop there. I had to be in control of every aspect of my body and take away its voice all together. If I had headaches, it was my job to tell it to go away and ignore it. And worst of all, if I was hungry, it was my job to tell my body “mind over matter” and not eat. Before I knew it I was so “disciplined” I was lost in an eating disorder, forgetting how valuable and beautiful my body is. I stopped listening to my body because it was ”evil” and against me. I didn’t stop to think that my body was given to me by God, that it was enough, that I was enough and it was my responsibility to be kind and gentle to the only body I would have. Where purity culture didn’t give me my eating disorder, it helped foster they type of thought process that fueled it.

    4.   Purity Culture Teaches Black and White Thinking: Either this person is a potential future husband, or a temptation, who might make you lose your virginity. A male is not a person, he is a temptation who might make you compromise. This was also a hurtful approach to sexuality. Rather than seeing people as people I only saw them as a threat to my sexuality or I saw them in terms of their sexual experiences. Rather than getting to know someone I was dating in terms of how they treated me, their passions and hobbies, their beliefs and values I immediately started obsessing about their sexual experiences. Were they a virgin? Did they masturbate? Had they looked at pornography? How many girls or guys did they have sex with? Rather than getting to know them, I dehumanized them by their sexual experiences. I broke up with guys over and over again who had “too many sexual experiences” because it scared me, because I was told those sexual experiences would rule their life. These were guys who loved Jesus and respected me and cared for me. They did not like their past sexual experiences or flaunt them like a badge of honor. It didn’t matter to me.

   5.   Purity Culture Teaches All Or Nothing Approach To Sexuality: Let’s break this one down. Purity culture teaches to avoid wearing bikinis, short shorts, and mini skirts, to avoid kissing and making-out, sexual pleasure and sexual feelings at ALL costs. It teaches you that having sex has horrible consequences before marriage and anything on that trajectory can have lasting impact in your marriage. So for me, it’s no wonder I avoided ALL those things. I didn’t kiss my boyfriend in college. I didn’t even let him hold my hand till we had dated for almost a year. So just imagine this kind of living and thinking and then one day you get married. And then BOOM. WEDDING NIGHT. Now you are expected to kiss, make-out, wear something small (and full of strings) and have intercourse. One day you can’t do anything, the next you SHOULD (actually it is required now) have sex. How confusing for the brain and body! Talk about a shock to the system. Are you kidding me? One day you are not allowed to have sex but after your wedding vow you are not allowed to NOT have sex. In fact, if you don’t have sex you are putting your marriage at risk! Now this is really ridiculous. This line of thinking is dangerous. We are not robots. We don’t have “on and off” switches or buttons. We all need to show a little more respect for our bodies, brains and hearts that acting like this is a GOOD thing for us. I am grateful I didn’t go from wearing a turtle-neck and holding hands to being completely naked and having sex. There’s enough anxiety out there for things we can’t control. This, now this, we can control.

 My experience is not the only one out there. If you have any questions or stories you would like to share, please don’t hesitate to comment below or shoot me an email. Your story matters!

*This film did NOT, I repeat, did NOT show them having sex. To be honest, I think they looked at each other and she became pregnant. (Note to teenager self: Don't look guys in the eye for too long or else...SURPRISE!!!)

Headstrong

I just read a new book* this summer. As you already know I love reading but my reading list likes to grow exponentially during the summer. It seems summer brings about a loose structure and schedule (it's a blessing and a curse for me) and invariably more heat. So I find myself at coffee shops or hiding in my apartment with fans swirling as I read. 

This new book is called "Headstrong" by Rachel Swaby. Swaby writes biographies for 52 female scientists who have influenced our every day life. It's a very inspiring and educational to read about women throughout history who have changed science and our world. These are women I never learned about growing up. I wish they had been in my text books in school but I usually only learned about male scientists. 

When you think about it, sexism has limited us so much. Today, as I worked on an art project with a second grade boy I was again reminded of strict gender rules. He exclaimed that he wanted his superhero to be ugly and so he would color him pink of course! Because pink is a girl color! I explained to him how this can sound insulting (as his sister's favorite color is pink) to women in general that whatever color a female would dare to like is inherently ugly. I explained how the rainbow includes all the colors. There aren't "wrong colors"  In fact, the color pink is not actually owned by girls. Thankfully he was receptive and decided his super hero was now going to be very cool AND colored pink and purple. 

There is no "wrong gender" to have a certain career. For years, women have been discriminated against in the science world. The book talks about Helen Taussig who wasn't allowed in Harvard's medical school because of her gender. However women could attend the School of Public Health but their efforts wouldn't EVEN earn them a degree! She didn't let that stop her and went on to become the founder of pediatric cardiology. One would hope we've moved from the 1890's but it was only recently that we heard this stunning and ridiculous sexist remark from Tim Hunt, who has since resigned from his position, "Three things happen when girls are in the lab-you fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, and when you criticize them, they cry" So I guess it's understandable why so many females have shed their lab coats and have chosen to go a less difficult route and apparently controversial route. 

The hard part about this book is that there are 52 very short biographies about all these women. I think I wanted to keep reading about one particular woman. I wanted to know more about her personal life, her family, her hobbies, what she did on Saturdays. It made me curious about who these rock star women were; who were publishing the first mathematics book, revealing the importance of fluid and salt for bodily functions, serving as the American Heart Association's first female president, as well as coming up with cures and inventions that still influence us today. (how food fuels our muscles, penicillin, the cotton industry, leprosy, just to name a few) I wanted it to read more like a conversation over coffee and less like a text book in all honesty and I wanted to create a multi-faceted image of these incredibly brilliant women in my head.

If you're not a scientist, it might be tricky to read. Don't even get me started on the math and technology section. Swaby does a good job of breaking it down for you but you have to have an attention span for it because it can sound clinical and sterile at times. (especially if you are not used to this genre) 

While I am not a scientist myself, I really resonated with this book because ultimately I hope that little girls and women everywhere know that they can be scientists and that they don't have to fit the narrow and rigid gender stereotypes that have been thrust upon us for centuries. They don't just have have to use the color pink to influence and impact their world. They can use green too. And any other color they like. 




*I received a copy of this book from Blogging For Books in exchange for this review