tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51384688548687441692024-03-05T00:55:54.191-08:00Icing on the CakeICING: noun; top the norm, the extra, the creamy, the flavor to life.
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.comBlogger197125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-81680623527915848692018-07-28T13:22:00.001-07:002018-07-28T13:27:05.684-07:00On Being A Foster Parent<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">One month ago Scott and I received a call that has quite literally removed all the ceiling, floors, walls and edges that make up the life we have created for ourselves. Two hours after that call we received our first foster placement, an adorable 7 month old baby. Yes you guys, A BABY. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">One year ago when we called the foster agency we had said we were interested in fostering ONE child, under FIVE. The reply was quick and swift: "That doesn't ever happen. It is always at least a sibling set and there are no babies" </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">So Scott and I talked and realized we were in fact open to a sibling set. Our apartment might be small but it would work. It's quaint and tiny but I'd like to think it's big on warmth, safety and cozy love. We also decided we would take elementary aged kiddos. I didn't know what to imagine or what my life would look like once we suddenly had a child but I can tell you now I was imagining two siblings, maybe 4 years old and a 7 year old. (something like that)</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I DID NOT exactly see us receiving a baby because we were told this isn't how the foster system works. Scott and I have never been parents and the shock of becoming ones so quickly was quite startling. Suddenly I was thrown into the world of baby gear, baby food, sleep schedules, diapers, and teething. I didn't grow with this baby. She was just suddenly here, living in our home, depending on us, US to be a place of refuge, sustenance, nurturance and I quickly felt incompetent to meet all of her screeching and screaming needs. </span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgspsaAyPTqgbDdL5j1Sq-Qocj2u_NQpCQDeZ1CY5BuZrY13d9BgW0Mr2sumMCBsZwqSsMi9uu0sr30O34ZDTI7YlJyzDG0EPU4t1x7iHD7fpjvx2y2e-6SYUa9HdnZ9HIHvbmGCT-ownRn/s1600/Heaven.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1472" data-original-width="828" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgspsaAyPTqgbDdL5j1Sq-Qocj2u_NQpCQDeZ1CY5BuZrY13d9BgW0Mr2sumMCBsZwqSsMi9uu0sr30O34ZDTI7YlJyzDG0EPU4t1x7iHD7fpjvx2y2e-6SYUa9HdnZ9HIHvbmGCT-ownRn/s640/Heaven.jpeg" width="360" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I went to a grounding yoga class in Portland and it taught me something. The instructor had us get into different positions and inversions and if something didn’t feel quite right she suggested that we first look inward and adjust. Meaning we could practice deep breathing, maybe move our limbs in a way to reduce the stress, perhaps soften our face muscles. She said if that wasn’t enough there was no shame in looking outside of ourselves for external resources. Maybe we needed a block to prop ourself on, maybe we needed a blanket to lay our head on, maybe we needed a bolster for under our knees. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Ever since this class I keep looking inward at my internal resources as a foster parent and realizing (ever so quickly) that I have to look outside of myself. This isn't the time for me to lean on self-sufficiency. It isn't the time to cling tightly to my pride of wanting to be independent. From the trenches and chaos of parenthood THIS IS THE TIME to reach out. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here’s the truth: I am not enough for baby girl. I don’t mean this in a self deprecating, low self-esteem way. I mean I cannot save her or heal her of all her trauma. This reality is devastating to me. I don’t have enough internal resources for her because I am human and unfortunately not superwoman. But here’s what I’m leaning into: I can ALWAYS reach beyond myself to outside resources. I have emptied myself again and again and so has Scott. I have poured every last drop of myself. I have felt desperate knowing I simply don’t have more left in me. I have come to the end of myself and this is where I meet my own ability to expand. My ability to ask boldly for help from friends, from family, from our church, from our neighborhood, from our social workers and medical and mental health professionals. (And yes my massage therapist).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Scott and I have had the longest meal train in history I believe. All our friends brought homemade dishes, macaroni and cheese, roast chicken, lasagna, turkey burgers, pasta bolognese, salads. They brought us Tender Greens, Inn and Out Burger and Chipotle as well as bearing gifts of diapers and clothes for baby girl. They brought lots of cold brew and took Leonard on walks. Our mail box was jam packed full of books and toys and onesies from our family out of state. Our church offered to watch Heaven at night so we could get some sleep. Our friends offered to watch her so we could have a date, shower, get a massage, or do some errands. Family sent us gift cards that floated us for weeks. Our people DID OUR DISHES. This is the top of what is most vulnerable for me (cleaning our house but specifically dirty gross dishes). Sometimes people came over so Scott could see his physical therapist or so we could go to work (getting a baby suddenly also makes getting into daycare extremely hard. Those wait lists are no joke!). Our team sat with us in the dark of unknowing, held on to hope for us when we just felt like we couldn't, ushered in optimism with tangible acts of service. Sometimes they sent me nail-polish and a face mask because they knew how desperate I was for something to pamper me in my sleep deprivation state. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Our experience has reminded me of the passages in Acts 2&4 where possessions, property, meals and generosity were shared. At the end of chapter 2 it talks about how the "Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved" And let me tell you; these acts did SAVE ME. They saved me again and again. There were nights (probably around 2am, 3am and 4am) where I did feel lonely, depleted, and isolated but the morning came bursting through with fresh strength. Our friends gave their time, their energy, their love, their mad baby skills and cooking skills to Scott, Leonard and I. Their sharing and generosity really did save us. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Maybe you need to hear this today too. When you come to the end of yourself it is not the end. If you haven't found the inner resources you need look, outside yourself. Ask for help. Here is a new beginning of expansion. It is the hardest and the most brutal/beautiful polarization. And you can get there because of your people. We aren’t meant to live in isolation. We are wired to seek what is bigger and stronger outside of us. I hold to our little village that surrounds us every step of the way. I hold onto sunrises and new beginnings and the sounds of Leonard’s deep peaceful breathing, the sound of waves, the taste of ice cream and the belief that a Mother God gives us other people to be and to hold hope for us when we can’t find it within ourselves.</span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-44577741649385959092018-04-24T12:01:00.002-07:002018-04-26T10:49:02.321-07:00How I Begin Again And Why Wet Dogs Don't Care<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I recently finished a book called "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Begin-Again-Practice-Releasing-Receiving/dp/0800727142">Begin Again"by Leeana Tankersley</a>. I always love when I get my hands on her newest book. I come away
with lots of little treasures and gems that I tuck gently into my heart. I like
her books because they invite you to actually experience what you’re reading.
They call you to expand, to get out and tangibly perceive the themes and
messages of the book. Her most recent book is all about how to begin again in
all the mess and upheaval and uncertainty that is our life at times. She quotes
Saint Benedict, “Always we begin again” as a guide to light our way. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a 5 on the enneagram I would be 110% happy to just read
all the books and once finished, obsessively browse my Amazon wish list for my
next book to read. I learn<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>so much from
reading but at some point I have to move away from the words and pages.Honestly
I really wish digesting and understanding and reading books would be enough to
live life fully, but in order to really experience your life you have to go and
engage it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In chapter 20 Leeana writes about rituals of rest. She
writes about recovery and restoration and what it means to pursue these things
as a practice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So Leeana told me (in her book she told me but I pretend
authors give me invitations face to face, I love a good assigment) to think of
something that will help me return to myself. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought about this for a minute. What did it
look like to come home to oneself? I hoped it meant me reading and journaling
alone with a candle lit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I figured I should <i>maybe</i> do something besides reading. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After I thought about it I decided on a couple things that
help me feel grounded, connected and centered: the beach, my dog and movement.
Then it hit me! Yoga on dog beach! YES! Genius. Leonard wouldn’t have to be
leashed and would be free to roam. I could already see myself doing my sun
salutations with grace and tranquility. I saw Leonard laying on his towel next
to me soaking up the sunny rays. I felt the fresh salty air fill my lungs. I
saw Dark Horse Coffee placed gently on my towel. This was the exact zen,
outdoor spa experience I needed and I was so excited. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The day of my plan I loaded up the car with Leonard, his
leash, his towel, my beach towel, water and Leeanna’s book. I stopped first to
get my cold brew at Dark Horse Coffee and then stopped at my favorite local
bakery to get a chocolate raspberry scone. I was going to treat myself! After
all this was my day to return to myself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m sure you can already see where this is going but just so
you don’t take me as a fool I totally had the foresight to walk Leonard before
we found a nice patch of sand to nest in. I knew he would need to be “worn out”
before I could create my zen sand garden. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I picked a nice sunny patch of sand far enough away from the
water but close enough for a view. It was a random warm Wednesday morning. The
beach looked calm and only a few people dotted the area. I set up my (our)
towels side by side, pulled out my scone and began soaking up the space. The
perfect 70 degree weather. The blue water, the stillness of the morning. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGhR_OhkJi2CqeleWR4dFNPD9iqFjaCV3lm8Mz2v8WVeoOwEimQoSXJad61QYQ9WndDpyEsM1PpvNe68Zni0PeKRNFWk4PqSH1r-E6BtiqrAu8YJXgdOaVI567EE-fbOEGlkAsABEPTGi6/s1600/image1+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGhR_OhkJi2CqeleWR4dFNPD9iqFjaCV3lm8Mz2v8WVeoOwEimQoSXJad61QYQ9WndDpyEsM1PpvNe68Zni0PeKRNFWk4PqSH1r-E6BtiqrAu8YJXgdOaVI567EE-fbOEGlkAsABEPTGi6/s640/image1+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFAnmSi9mKXif8p8nTEppYOTAdam4Eni1NsWb_keRIa8LVw6GR-SdEi9GqclW4hOU9QUCZcqD05q2nCMV5mEDzMguT28mybL_Zwmx-L_zUmMjH30nE3jhqcmsZCwMejIHs0uPEt0bo-q7w/s1600/image1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFAnmSi9mKXif8p8nTEppYOTAdam4Eni1NsWb_keRIa8LVw6GR-SdEi9GqclW4hOU9QUCZcqD05q2nCMV5mEDzMguT28mybL_Zwmx-L_zUmMjH30nE3jhqcmsZCwMejIHs0uPEt0bo-q7w/s640/image1.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then literally out of nowhere A PACK of dogs swarmed in
my view.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The inevitable happened. The thing I somehow managed to
oversee. Two HUGE dogs who were not just wet, but SOPPING WET; literally RACED <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(calm jogged) over to my towels and
immediately began sky diving themselves all over my stuff. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They rolled their wet hairy bodies all over
our towels and all my belongings. I had to think quick because there was only
so much time to strategize what to “save” and as you all know by now, it was
the coffee I saved. The towels, my backpack, the book, iPhone, the leash and my
water bottle ended up in a sandy wet heap. Leonard didn’t know what to
think<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>about these huge dogs happily
overtaking our nest and tried to stand on guard but ended up playing with them.
#thanks<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFH9OujZRymcmfjdQ26aL7aYsuuyxBsNmIAqIDf2B1VojQbhyphenhyphenVfeIGZIpYXAEwYCDHUigCwy9tkyI-Of0zZ6YJxUFljcV9WV19DDTPQSbgxsuJ91Z5LcgVAh_2smdvIcWAGlybruVq_41T/s1600/image3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFH9OujZRymcmfjdQ26aL7aYsuuyxBsNmIAqIDf2B1VojQbhyphenhyphenVfeIGZIpYXAEwYCDHUigCwy9tkyI-Of0zZ6YJxUFljcV9WV19DDTPQSbgxsuJ91Z5LcgVAh_2smdvIcWAGlybruVq_41T/s640/image3.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nevertheless after this dog hurricane I was determined to
get my yoga on. It was fine. This was dog beach after all. A little sand can’t
hurt anyone I told myself. I proceeded to shake out the sandy towels. I set
everything up again. Coffee. Water. Towel. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I proceeded get into child’s pose where the world felt both
small and safe, warm and relaxed in my little cocoon as I began to focus on my
breath, and the feeling of the earth beneath me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But these dogs were not done yet. This time they ran over
and again rolled their bodies all over the towels and also decided my yoga
pants (that I AM WEARING) were a good towel as well and crashed into me as they
shared all their seaweed, sand, salt water infested selves all over me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This happened at least 3 times. Dogs racing over to me full
of glee, catapulting their bodies all over me and all my belongings. Me shaking out
the sand from the towels. Wiping sand out of my iphone and water bottle (and mouth). You
would think I would have learned my lesson but I was beginning again you guys!
I was returning to myself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was so bad that two owners on separate dog hurricane
explosions came over to me and apologized and one of them even asked what he
owed me for all the “damage”. I should have told him to order me some lulu
lemon yoga pants asap because I’ve always wanted them and this was a great
opportunity but I just said it was fine. #didnotnailit<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the thing: this is really how life actually is. We
might read about how to do something in a book or in a manual or even a recipe
on Pinterest. Everything sounds wonderful. Just splendid indeed. But the actual
working this out in our lives is not so smooth or serene or soft. Sometimes it
is coarse and rocky and poky. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve often wished there was a quick fix to healing, to pain,
suffering. As a therapist I know how unlikely instantaneous emotional healing
is. It isn’t magic and there’s no genie in a bottle waiting for us. I know
there is a lot of blood, sweat and tears that go into our own soul growth. There’s
also a lot of freedom, lightness and relief that comes from all this work as
well. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes I think the lifeline God sends us is being able to
begin again. Glennon Doyle Melton refers to God as “forever tries”. We never
run out of trying again, beginning again, starting over. Today I’m grateful
that I can shake the sand off my towel again. I can shake the anxiety off, the
swirly thoughts, the shame, the guilt, and I can start again every second of
every day breathing in new God energy, new oxygen, and a new sunrise. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
P.S. Sometimes I begin again by ordering a new IPhone case
because the sand that got stuck in there was irreparable. #whatcanyoudo<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
P.P.S. Sometimes beginning again is realizing what you need
to let go of so that you can take hold of something new. As Leeana says,
“Expansion is ruthlessly confronting what is not working so that what is truly
alive can breathe. Expansion is truth-shall-set-me-free honesty. Expansion is
wrestling, engaging, listening. It is letting the dead trees go.” (or the dead
iphone cases) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-70671083857403510192018-03-12T16:40:00.000-07:002018-03-12T16:44:56.497-07:00When You Can't See The Clearing<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Thick trees crowded out my view of beyond. They towered over
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unintentionally ominous. The pines blocked my ability to see around
them. They surrounded me with their smell of of earth, wood, sap and a hint of cinnamon. I felt so small and vulnerable next to their strength. Almost swallowed up by their ability to take up so much space. Their roots expanded towards me and their branches reached above me leaving little room to ground myself. </span></i><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i>
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1KlRg_8mKZFMfgyBdAd1Sa5rA41ymx5_SVKxV8-kZTqW1cWQU86MV9_kwxpSkaWYs2KfQ2rXXOztcKiEZmlqaCKsbyjHq6TjCah3uR72ZORCerfiYkwK1kQApbSooIEg2-mEN8ynVQFic/s1600/image1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1KlRg_8mKZFMfgyBdAd1Sa5rA41ymx5_SVKxV8-kZTqW1cWQU86MV9_kwxpSkaWYs2KfQ2rXXOztcKiEZmlqaCKsbyjHq6TjCah3uR72ZORCerfiYkwK1kQApbSooIEg2-mEN8ynVQFic/s640/image1.jpeg" width="480" /></span></a></div>
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This past Christmas Scott and Leonard and I visited Tahoe
(my first time!) It was beautiful! I was drawn in by all the blues of water and
sky but the greens kept my interest for much longer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I kept thinking about how this past fall was like a dark
tunnel through a forest of huge looming trees. Recently Scott came home and
said, “<i>I can see it, there is actually a clearing in the trees”</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I can’t fully articulate what it’s like to have a clearing
in the middle of a dense forest after days and days and weeks and weeks and
months of stumbling our way forward. The smallest of space, the smallest
percentage of openness and good news makes all the difference. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This past fall, Scott and I found out his mom’s cancer was
back. And it was back with vengeance, with tumors gaining more and more ground.
Chemo was no longer a question, it was a statement and it was happening as soon
as possible. My sister had a scary and sudden emergency surgery over
Thanksgiving. Scott and I experience tight finances and not-so-flexible bills. I found out my best friend has a heart condition that is
irreversible and puts her at risk. I have not figured out how to talk about
this. I think I’ve been holding my breath ever since. Oh and did I mention how
my mental health was not committing to stability at this time? I cannot tell you how many times I have re-written this paragraph and if comes across unfeeling or reporter(ish) it's because it's still scary to get down on paper. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I find it’s extremely difficult to talk about the hard
stuff, the dense forest when you are walking through it. I mean, it’s great if
you get through it. That’s some positive vibes. Does anyone really want to hear
about how mirky the in-between is? How anxiety provoking it all is? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems writing is much better looking back
at a hard time or looking ahead, not in the middle though. Being present to it
takes so much emotional energy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">So today I’m writing when I am not entirely through it but I
have experienced a little clearing in the woods. I have exhaled a fraction. The
clearing is giving me enough courage to actually write about it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">My mother-in-law gave me a book of poetry for Christmas and
one poem has stuck with me all through the holidays, into the New Year and now
into March as I keep walking among the trees of my life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">“If you stand at the edge of the forest, and stare into it,
every tree at the edge will blow a little extra oxygen toward you. It has been
proven. Leaves have admitted it. The pines I have known have been especially
candid. One said that all breath in this world is roped together, that
breathing is the most ancient language.” –Hannah Stephenson<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This poem reminds me to breathe even when surrounded. I want
to befriend these trees and not close my eyes to the present. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I spend my days encouraging my clients to sit with their
feelings, hold their feelings and that there is another side to this pain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But when I stare at my own scary, I want to do anything and
everything but feel and be and hold. I will think and analyze and dissect and
investigate but please and thank you don’t make me feel this. I will do and run
and perform and think some more but giving these trees some real attention is
risky. Will they grow even larger as I make eye contact?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’m afraid the trees will swallow me up.
They’re so tall and large and I’m so small and helpless next to them. I’m
afraid I will become unhinged. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It’s so unfortunate that our culture has such an aversion to
suffering, grief, anxiety and hard feelings. We all want to fix everything and
quickly. None of this wait and see crap. We want results now! We all need
lessons in distress tolerance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">For now I’m holding on to the relief of a clearing. I’m
praying this crack of light can give me the courage to look at all the trees
that surround me. And when courage inevitably decides to have an early
retirement I will pray for the most ancient of languages, breathing through the
in-betweens of life. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-84537314325794900102018-01-10T11:19:00.002-08:002018-02-05T21:00:15.616-08:00Writing In The Making For 2018<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhPNCMJ6Rmy-QoKvvvsP_8I-VeXvQF5A4SdoUK3y3BcwFJsmQzx1AFdoi7AvtK7Oa8Y5w5Xbxcu2cPnJODH4bpMbPCEAFzc9umyqHwi2A3J4nn1fPP46Gbnja5lGk5iULuwCuk9wiK9cC3/s1600/writing.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="650" data-original-width="867" height="478" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhPNCMJ6Rmy-QoKvvvsP_8I-VeXvQF5A4SdoUK3y3BcwFJsmQzx1AFdoi7AvtK7Oa8Y5w5Xbxcu2cPnJODH4bpMbPCEAFzc9umyqHwi2A3J4nn1fPP46Gbnja5lGk5iULuwCuk9wiK9cC3/s640/writing.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This year after I completed <a href="http://heathermcghee.blogspot.com/2017/12/book-list-for-2017.html">52 books in 52 weeks</a> I
contemplated what my next goal should be. Should it be 100 books? Should it be
52 acts of kindness? Maybe 52 self-care practices? You all had so many ideas!
My list lover in me wants to create a whole slew of New Years resolutions and
goals but I’ve found over the years that to have one or two main focuses is
better and more sustainable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This past year I experienced what I would call as writers
block. It’s ironic because I started out 2017 with a memoir writing class but
after that it was like I couldn’t find words to string into sentences. I
couldn’t find phrases that meant anything or themes that followed any kind of
path. I would think about writing in the car on the way to work or before I
fell asleep. But I couldn’t put all my thoughts rolling around in my head onto
paper. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So for this year I thought I would make a goal for myself of
writing 25 blogs posts or essays. They don’t all have to published online. Some
can just sit safely saved in my documents. I like the number 25 because it gets
me into the habit of writing almost every other week for a whole year. If I
have an “off” week or am out of town or super busy with work I don’t need to
feel the pressure to bust out a writing piece. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Last night I did a hot yoga flow class at my local
neighborhood studio. Yes, I said hot! It is finally cold enough to actually
enjoy hot yoga. Yesterday it rained all day and it was so cozy and warm in the
studio (and then less cozy and more sweaty). I then took a meditation class
after with my friend. I’m finding that I can meditate or slow down a little bit
better after some kind of movement. All the ruminative thoughts and
over-analyzing seem to slow after a yoga flow class so I can focus on being
more mindful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway the class discussed new years resolutions and we all
visualized our goals and then created practical steps to make them happen.
Pretty simple stuff really. I think it’s the actually following through thing
that makes it hard. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here are my writing goals for the year:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li><span style="font-size: large;">Write 25 blogs posts/essays by December 31, 2018</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Must be at least 500 words (about a typed page worth)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Can be hand-written or typed on any subject</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Can be published or unpublished</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The hardest thing for me about this goal is letting my
writing just be. I want it to be perfect before the practice. And writing is
all about practice. I think that’s what stunted my writing growth last year. I
started my own business in private practice and feeling more “out there” in the
public eye had me feeling very self-conscious. Suddenly things like my
reputation and other’s perceptions of me became very large and looming. Every
time I sat down to write only a few words would squeak out. If I finally
managed to write a paragraph I would edit it over and over, adding here and
there, subtracting from this and that and then eventually never finish it or
post it online. I leaned on lots of list making last year in my journal (which
is one of my favorite things) and I think the structure of that gave me some
security in my writing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You all were so encouraging and kind this past year asking about my book challenge and cheering me on! I certainly didn’t post enough (any) book reviews but I’m happy to see I at least finished a blog post about it! After reading so many books last year and letting them all
marinate within me for some time I am hopeful that I have some writing just
waiting for me in this new year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I’m curious to know what your goals, hopes or intentions are
for the New Year? What are you holding on to and what are you letting go? And
if you don’t have any that’s okay too! Sometimes our very life has enough opportunities for movement and mindfulness that we don’t need yet another resolution. My
prayer is that each of us can gently ease our way into 2018. Moving in slowly
and watching the year unfold is totally okay too. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-37740785181435512592018-01-03T14:52:00.000-08:002018-01-03T14:52:25.853-08:00If You Can't Waltz Into the New Year<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This picture sums up how I feel about a new year. And it is not what you think. Please. Don’t even imagine that it’s about me conquering some wall or mountain with any kind of grace or skill.</div>
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What you don’t know about this picture is the feeling I have in my stomach. The butterflies flutter around my insides and my heart jumps in my throat. I am afraid to keep going. I’m scared to get to the top. And the worst part is I don’t even know what to grab onto next. There are so many colors and shapes to choose from and no clear easy way up. I don’t even know where to place my hand or put my energy next.</div>
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And it’s isolating up here. I know there are others climbing and struggling. But I can’t see them and I can’t feel them. Scary things do that. They make us think we are the only ones.</div>
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I know others have slumped into the New Year after they have crawled out of Christmas. The new years resolutions and goals and vision making is all very beautiful and inspiring if you are in a good place. If you are in a bad place, well then you and I both know how it feels.</div>
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Just reaching forward is overwhelming. One cannot try to come up with a list of new habits and goals when one is only hoping to hold on.</div>
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And can we talk about how puny and tiny some of those rocks look? Please. It can’t hold on to me. It certainly can’t hold my entire body weight.</div>
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Scott and I have had some hard knocks this fall. We’ve gotten some bad news in a variety of forms. A phone call. A conversation. An email.</div>
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You see when I get bad news I freeze. And usually my face shows this. I call it the emotional tundra of the soul. It’s what therapists call a “flat affect”. It’s not a positive thing. But it’s my thing and I’m used to it. It’s how I appear calm under crisis. But inside as the news makes it’s way from my brain to my heart and burrows into my being, then I begin to feel it because once you start to feel you can’t think your way out of it.</div>
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Bad news is always delayed with me. I often feel numb. Or just flat. I hear it and then days and weeks later I feel it. Soon I feel it is so strongly I fear I am going under. It hits me like lead and lodges itself into all the corners and cracks within me. And I wonder to myself how does one jump into the New Year expectant and hope filled with glitter and gold and confetti and noise makers when you fear what looms ahead.</div>
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Sometimes life does feel like a very scary climb with lots of choices and bad news and so much uncertainty (and stupid puny rocks to hold onto). I would like to title these rocks, “pray more” or “think positive thoughts” or “God is with you” and truth be told, sometimes I want to kick these well-meaning but quite dudly little rocks to the curb.</div>
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But sometimes I need these little rocks and sometimes all I have left is to pray. And sometimes I’m surprised because it does hold my weight and sometimes that seemingly silly little pebble gets me to reach forward again and grasp what is in front of me.</div>
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Basically what I want you to know is this: if you aren’t waltzing into the New Year and you are actually limping, crawling, slumping, or just dragging yourself into 2018 then YOU ARE NOT ALONE.</div>
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I’m sorry life is being a giant shit sandwich for you right now. I know it’s overwhelming and that the “whelm” threatens to flood you. I want you to know it’s okay to be where you are at. Anyone who needs it to be all sparkles and rainbows and confetti for you is just uncomfortable with pain. It’s not your fault they haven't built up those muscles yet. </div>
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I say, forget that noise.</div>
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Instead focus on the next rock or pebble or piece of gravel in front of you and hold on. It might be reaching out to a friend, it might be calling your therapist, snuggling your dog, trying out a new recipe, a walk on the beach, practicing a meditation, maybe it is a prayer. I know it will literally feel like you are holding on to a feather and you will feel your heart pound and your hands will sweat. It will feel like it isn’t helping AT ALL. But don’t stop.</div>
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Listen; there’s another side to this climb and this New Year. I promise there isn’t only bad looming ahead of you. There is some good waiting too. (there could be confetti: don’t hate it too much). There is some joy and laughter and lightness and glee too.</div>
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But if you are skeptical of some good in the New Year, that’s okay too and I don’t blame you. In many ways we're all still reeling from what 2017 flung at us. </div>
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Still there’s always the chance of being surprised by good news, taken off guard by hope, and marveling at the good still in this world.</div>
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Wobbly legs, shaky arms and a sensitive soul has never stopped us before.</div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: small;">And if you get sick of climbing, you can always fall because there are actually very squishy soft mats beneath you. (call it God, or the Universe or more accurately the Grotto Climbing Gym).</span></span></div>
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</style>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-56135306631269141722017-12-30T17:47:00.003-08:002018-04-24T12:17:55.182-07:00Book List For 2017<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12pt;">Well here we are entering 2018. I am so
excited to share my 52 book list with you all! It feels like yesterday that
Scott and I were sitting in a charming bookshop in St. Andrews, Scotland
discussing our <a href="http://heathermcghee.blogspot.com/2017/04/52-books-in-52-weeks.html">52 books in 52 weeks challenge</a> and all the genres and categories of books we
would fulfill. I am happy to say I have read <i>almost</i> all of the book categories
we set out to read (with the exception of finances and marriage…HAHA). Don’t
get me started on a rant on how much I despise (most) marriage books. I’m thinking
I’ll just count the book I read on Internal Family Systems because it does
benefits couples after all! As for finances, well there is always next year!</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
hardest thing about this challenge was…</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">finishing a book I didn’t like. I didn’t realize how often I
start a book and then never finish it because I lose interest or am intimidated
by it’s complexity. It was especially hard to finish books that I felt like
were written poorly, followed no clear plot line or had sketchy theology. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What
surprised me most about this challenge was…</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">how much I enjoyed poetry! I have always gravitated towards the
mental health, self-improvement, and memoirs of spirituality so exploring
poetry was new and exciting for me. I plan to start Rupi Kaur’s poetry next! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One
more surprise…</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">drumroll
please… I LOVED THE HARRY POTTER BOOKS. Now I know this isn’t a surprise to you
but to me it really was. The genre of fantasy is not my favorite AT ALL. Not in
books, movies or TV shows. Every Christmas my sisters would watch Lord of the
Rings and I would be bored out of my mind. I never made my way through the
Chronicles of Narnia. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot handle
Star Trek and Stars Wars (I know it’s sci-fi). It’s not that I think they are
bad it’s just snoozeville for me. So for me to read Harry Potter and LOVE it
was a huge surprise (and an accomplishment at my ripe ol' age of 32).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
best part of this challenge was…</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">finishing!<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>I love finishing
a goal and I adore lists. Having a book list going was so much fun. Every week I
was reading a couple books and was always looking forward to the next read. I
tried to be conscious about reading more female authors as well as more books by people of color. Our world can become very small when all we read is white male
authors. (And I know how easy a trap this is in small evangelical communities
here in America).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Please feel free to message me or comment with
any questions! I noted the ones I recommended and my favorites but it was so
hard to pick. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now I need to figure out a new 52 something in
52 weeks goal. (how about 52 Netflix shows in 52 weeks?!?! Lol)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Caddie Woodlawn</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Carol Brink*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Out Of Sorts</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> By Sarah Bessey*+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Flourish </span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">by Margaret Feinberg<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sandy Toes </span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">by Robin Jones Gunn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A Little Princess</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Frances Hudgon Burnett*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Spiritual Sobriety</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Elizabeth Esther+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by J.K. Rowling<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Secret Garden</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Frances Hudgon Burnett<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by J.K. Rowling*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Small Victories</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> By Anne Lammott<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">11.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">People I Want to Punch in the Throat</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Jen Mann<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">12.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Divorce Express </span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">by Paula Danziger<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">13.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Sin of Certainty</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Peter Enns+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">14.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Best We Could Do</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Thi Bui *+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">15.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Present Over Perfect</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Shauna Niequist*+ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">16.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Magnolia Story</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Chip and Joanna Gaines<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">17.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by J.K. Rowling<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">18.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by J. K. Rowling*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">19.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A Brave and Startling Truth</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Maya Angelou<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">20.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Salty Kisses</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Robin Jones Gunn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">21.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the Clearing</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Robert Frost<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">22.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How to Be a Wildflower </span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">by Katie Daisy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">23.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Talking as Fast as I Can</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Lauren Graham<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">24.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Harry Potter and the Cursed Child</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by J.K. Rowling*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">25.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Invention of Hugo Cabret</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Brian Seiznick<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">26.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Princess Saves Herself in This One</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Amanda Lovelace<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">27.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Under the Lilacs</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Louisa May Alcott<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">28.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bridge to Haven</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Francine Rivers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">29.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">No Matter the Wreckage</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Sarah Kay*+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">30.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Essential Enneagram</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Virginia Price+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">31.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Railway Children</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by E. Nesbit<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">32.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Brazen</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Leeana Tankersley+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">33.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Modern Romance</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Aziz Ansari<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">34.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Furiously Happy</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Jenny Lawson<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">35.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Marie Kondo<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">36.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Of Mess and Moxie</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Jenn Hatmaker*+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">37.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">No Other Will Do</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Karen Witemeyer<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">38.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Year of Yes </span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">by Shonda Rhimes+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">39.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Felicty:</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Poems by Mary Oliver<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">40.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m Judging You</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Luvvie Ajayi+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">41.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Engaging Father Christmas</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Robin Jones Gunn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">42.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Contemplative Prayer</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Thomas Merton<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">43.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You are Safe here</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by AVA*+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">44.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Paris for One</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Jojo Moyes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">45.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Thirst:</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Poems by Mary Oliver<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">46.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting for: IFS Theory</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Richard Schwartz<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">47.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sunset Lullaby</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Robin Jones Gunn*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">48.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Braving the Wilderness</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Brene Brown+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">49.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Secrets from the Eating Lab</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Traci Mann+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">50.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Falling Upward</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Richard Rhor*+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">51.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We Should All Be Feminists by Chimanda Ngozi Adichie*+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">52.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The 100 Dresses</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Eleanor Estes*+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Additional (Children’s) Books:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Eloise’s
Guide to Life</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Kay
Thompson<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What Do You Do with an Idea by Kobi Yamada*+</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What Do
You Do with a Problem</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by
Kobi Yamada*+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How the Grinch Stole Christmas</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by Dr. Seuss<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
Maybe Days</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by
Jennifer Wilgocki *+ (amazing for kids in foster care)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
Family Book</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by
Todd Parr<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Felice
the Christmas Ferry</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by
Irene Mathias<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Finding
Christmas</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by
Lezlie Evans *+<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by William Joyce<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dragons
Love Tacos</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> by
Adam Rubin<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.0pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Christmas Town by Donna Van Liere</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">*Favorites (It is so hard to pick favorites)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">+ Would recommend<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-34937001024596673922017-11-15T12:14:00.000-08:002017-11-16T17:42:09.868-08:00TO BE YOU<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_LIHpIfvzwCV9cQ_Lo87W8eTVPLKYlzWNgAW_AV2RMUgulunj0_36WPtGLtGVcBlL7tLjq2kiLSdfEsfiOrYWZAPeXUo6cibP3ww9lxi9N2MT8OXdZisPDgOuj6hXSe_36lTx5nDRTngv/s1600/IMG_8495.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1202" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_LIHpIfvzwCV9cQ_Lo87W8eTVPLKYlzWNgAW_AV2RMUgulunj0_36WPtGLtGVcBlL7tLjq2kiLSdfEsfiOrYWZAPeXUo6cibP3ww9lxi9N2MT8OXdZisPDgOuj6hXSe_36lTx5nDRTngv/s640/IMG_8495.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The other night I was sipping red wine on my friend’s patio
overlooking the skyline. We were talking about how hard it is to be ourselves.
While at first glance this may sound trite, like a nice slogan from childhood
of “just be yourself!” Now, there is nothing wrong with the statement, in fact,
the statement is fine. What is difficult is actually living it out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">My friend said “I’ve literally never talked about this to
another woman.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The content of the topic had her feeling so much shame, so
abnormal, so different that she had <i>literally</i> never talked to another woman
about it before. I just have one thing to say:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">GIRL. I GET IT. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">There are certain taboo topics among women and all of
humanity for that matter that seem to cause a tightening in our chests. And
there are other topics that are so much milder when you really get down to it,
but still make us super anxious!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">These things about ourselves can be as serious from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’ve never wanted to get married </i>to<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> I don’t like donuts </i>or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I read [write] fan-fiction. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Do you know what I mean?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Why is it SO hard to be unapologetically ourselves?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Well thanks for asking! There are clearly a number of
reasons. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We crave with the deepest parts of our souls to belong and
sometimes belonging means we have to stay the same. Belonging is survival and
so being different or abnormal or not part of the group feels incredibly threatening to our very being. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">No wonder we give in to camouflaging so easily. Call it
whatever you want. Crowd psychology, group think, mob mentality. There is
safety in numbers and more often we find ourselves flocking like
pigeons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It’s this invisible pressure that is always pulling us and
yanking us to be just like everyone else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I read a lot, a lot of books but a lot of articles and blogs
too. Bios have scary similarities almost as if we can’t venture outside of
anything that doesn’t fall into basic white girl category (and yes I’m one of
them).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Examples are as follows:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Brunch lover. Succulents. Fitness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Girl running on coffee and Jesus<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Puppies. Big dreamer. Pizza.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Outdoors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Donuts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Juice Cleanse. Find the positive. Healthy living. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Boss babe. Positive vibes. Nutrition Coach. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Family. Faith. Fitness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Be brave. Adventure. Crunch dead leaves in Uggs and flannel.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">By the way, there’s nothing wrong with the above (clearly I
am a HUGE advocate for my coffee and I can be real basic about it all).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But also I’ve thought about some things that are true of me
that are harder to admit, and they aren’t even that bad, but they just aren’t currently trending, they aren’t mainstream and honestly imagining them on my bio or
byline makes me feel tense. They aren’t just about fitness and succulents and
the gym and eating pizza. I kill succulents. I don’t really like pizza and the
gym is a huge bore to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Let me tell you something though. The authors who have
really REALLY spoken to me have said the things no one else is saying. They
said the thing everyone is afraid to breathe out loud and that is why I love
them, because I had a YES ME TOO moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And with my friend on the patio, eye to eye, face to face,
we had a moment of ME TOO and it’s okay. We belong together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Belonging to an actual person is so much better than
belonging to whatever is trending on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and the wide variety of blogs we read. It’s
so much more fulfilling than just pretending you’re into all the things you’re
not. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So here it is, unapologetically me:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<ul><br />
<li><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I love wild fowl (eating it).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I hate the beach in the summer.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I have never had a problem drinking water and my whole life I always nod and act very interested in “hydrating well” and say “I just gotta drink water!” so I can fit in and not seem braggy. But for the love of God, if I come across like a bragger butt because I like water and drink lots of it, then we all need to take a seat.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I really don’t like pizza. I never crave it.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I would eat pasta every day and be very happy and this includes box mac’n’cheese.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I truly love salads. I love the texture and the crunch and the munch. I always feel nervous people assume I’m trying to be healthy or trying to lose weight when I order a salad but I have loved salads since I was a child.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I think football is dumb.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I can’t handle slow, sad, dramatic TV shows.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I love school and academia and while I tried to complain so I could be empathetic and be part of the group, I secretly loved writing papers.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I hate going on vacation and feeling pressure to visit the “top 10” places YOU MUST SEE. It makes me want to see none of them. Sometimes I don’t want to be a tourist. Sometimes I want to lie around the hotel and read a book. It’s vacation after all.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;">I don’t wash my face in the mornings.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"> I enjoy making up words. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I really enjoy t</span></span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">he smell of gasoline.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I hate movies based in space. It makes me feel claustrophobic.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">C.S. Lewis has not changed my life.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I can’t stand diet culture.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">Pre-injury, I loved running specifically long distance running.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I have multiple library cards because I read like I’m running out of air.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">You will never catch me utilizing the Find My Friends app. It is the most invasive thing ever. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I hate the hashtag #fitfamily the most.</span></li>
<li> <span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">If I run out of dish soap I just fill it up with water much to my husband's dismay. #sorrynotsorry</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I think heels are the worst invention ever and refuse to wear them.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">Turtle necks are a nightmare (does anyone really want something crawling up their neck?!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I love hand written letters and write letters regularly. I am still a 90’s girl who is always seeking a good pen pal.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I stick tampons EVERYWHERE so that wherever I am I will find one (think random kitchen drawer, glove box, suitcases, pockets, zippers, etc.).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I love laser tag.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Peeling off my nail polish is extremely satisfying. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I love all obstacle courses.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I actually don’t like Coldplay.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I love a good gravel road.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: symbol; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">I studied the macaroni penguins in school.</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">P.S. Here is my list of basic white girl things that I truly
and deeply love: cold brew, Jesus, puppies, fall, leggings, and pumpkin spice
everythinnnnggg. (Sorry Jesus, I didn’t mean to say you were basic).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Here’s what I’m learning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’ve spent a large part of my life trying to be the type of
woman people needed or expected me to be to fit in with the larger culture. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’ve spent time trying to be the type of Christian people
needed or expected of me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’ve spent time trying to be the type of human people needed
or expected of me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But I’ve been anchoring into myself. I’ve been listening to
my gut, my body, my soul. I’ve been trusting it more. Instead of shaming myself
for what I like or don’t like, I try to be curious about it. Instead of just
“sucking it up” and doing what everyone is expecting of me, I’ve been trying to turn
towards me rather than away from me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It’s really revolutionary. I get quiet and listen to the
space where there is no crowd or mob telling me what I must be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">There’s quite a few even bigger things I’m coming to terms
with about myself that doesn’t fit in with what I thought it meant to be a
white, straight, Christian woman living in America. I’m realizing I differ on
some things. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’m finding there are many out there who are looking for a
voice to unapologetically claim who they are and what they're about. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’m wondering if maybe there is something you enjoy out there
that just feels like it doesn’t fit in? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">If we could talk about our basic likes and dislikes, what
colors we like, our favorite foods, maybe we could move on to bigger and
scarier subjects? Subjects about politics, social injustice, trauma or even more scary, how we really
feel inside.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">What are we actually drawn to? I think this is important to think
about. There is so much need in our big aching world but sometimes I think we
rush down the current of what is trending. If we aren’t deeply passionate about
a certain subject we feel guilty and then end up neglecting the subject we
truly resonate with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We simply can’t be into everything. We have to embrace our
niche and then own it. We can’t be a chef/neuroscientist/yoga
instructor/elementary teacher/coder/ veterinarian all at the same time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">God doesn’t need you to be an activist for everything. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">In the world of social justice I see it often. People feel a
pressure to be actively advocating for everything. Homelessness. Sex
trafficking. The refugee crisis. Poverty. Access to healthcare and education.
Those struggling with substance abuse and addictions. Racial reconciliation.
Civil rights. Recycling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Education on
feminism. Fighting against patriarchy. Disabilities rights. Reproductive
justice. Mass incarceration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gender
workplace diversity. Special needs. Spiritual abuse. Labor Laws.
Immigration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Child abuse. Human rights.
Animal rights. The environment. Transgender rights. Gun violence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">How can we tend to the good in our world without letting the
evil swallow us up? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Can we tolerate being different? Even if we don’t have the
same hobbies, or dreams or desires or hopes? Can we manage our reactivity a bit
more about these things? Why would we ever want to take away the creativity and
originality inside each of us?. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I know for a fact that even the most basic coffee loving,
Jesus loving, organic eating girl has more going on than that. There is more
beating inside her soul than just her thoughts on organic foods and whole
roasted beans. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">For me I like having duck for my birthday dinner and I plan
trips to the beach when it’s cloudy or even rainy. I am passionate about foster
care, and helping young adults and adolescents manage anxiety and helping end
stigma surrounding mental health. I care a lot about how we talk about
sexuality especially within the Christian church. I like saying hi to dogs and
asking how their day is going (in front of their owners) and I will forever
abhor the smell of an airplane but can handle just about anything with a good
book. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Now it’s your turn? What do you love? What is your niche?
This is not a group decision as Shauna Niequist says, “This is actually my
life, and it doesn’t matter a bit if it would feel lovely for someone else to
live. What does matter: does it feel congruent with God made me and called me?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Do you like kidney beans? Do you wear mis-matchd socks? Do
you own a pet that you can only see under a microscope? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you hate uggs? Answer below in the
comments! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-38474146514042358932017-10-10T12:20:00.000-07:002017-10-10T12:22:49.422-07:00Do Men Really Have The Higher Sex Drive<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ6FFTvLknHfkYcu-ukCdTunvwxhmWdF33Hn9rW8hBXsT9i_vTKsWyagn5SoSL3Eo4EeGOakAqfPLL2JXWSb0HVE75_7tOoha7SElnn6Gg-wVSS7cAzamiaLVrKOhHRhGcLXqQXj0Y6jkb/s1600/StockSnap_M0YZ9Q79DZ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ6FFTvLknHfkYcu-ukCdTunvwxhmWdF33Hn9rW8hBXsT9i_vTKsWyagn5SoSL3Eo4EeGOakAqfPLL2JXWSb0HVE75_7tOoha7SElnn6Gg-wVSS7cAzamiaLVrKOhHRhGcLXqQXj0Y6jkb/s640/StockSnap_M0YZ9Q79DZ.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">And Is This Really
The Right Question?*<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A long clung to stereo-type is the whole “men are more
visual and men have a higher sex drive than women” First things first though!
Whatever you are doing I want you to get to a calendar as FAST as you can.
Google calendar is fine, the one on your phone or on your wall. But just check
in on the year. I’ll wait. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So now that we’ve had that little update let’s all say the
year together:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2017.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>It’s 2017! </b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That means we are here. In the present. And I have to say,
sometimes we live a lot like we are in the past. We still carry around strange
old stereo-types like they are badges of honor. And one of the favorite
old-school narratives is: men have a stronger sex drive. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I wonder if we can break this one down a little? What are
the implications of this? Personally it’s a well-used and (quite worn out I
might add) power play. Implications are as follows:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I, a man, have a stronger sex drive than you therefore:<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-I need sex<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-I lust all the time<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-I can’t help but look<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-I am visual<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-If I cheat, you know why. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Now excuse me while I go barf in the trash next door. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I know I am not a scientist. I am not a professional
researcher. I don’t study biology full time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a licensed marriage and family therapist
and from my experience both professionally and personally this whole thing is a
bunch of poop shit. (saying poop twice gets the point across more I think). Men
and women both have sex drives and while they might express themselves DIFFERENTLY that does not mean one gender has a higher sex drive then the
other. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But in case you are skeptical of my highly scientific and
highly researched data (aka my personal and professional experience and all the
books there ever was) below are five reasons why we might be able to finally
call B.S. on the nonsense of “men have a stronger sex drive than women”. *<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So here are <b>Five Reasons </b>why this data just might not be all that accurate anymore</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> 1. </span></span><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Some
Research is Biased</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">.</span><br />
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Who were the ones who created the
research on this in the first place? If we look at the STEM fields (science,
technology, engineering and mathematics) it’s easy to note the gender gap. Men
have dominated this industry for a very long time. So if we continue along this
line of thinking we might presume that largely white straight men have been
creating and driving this line of thinking that men have higher sex drives
right? When you think about it, it’s absurd because so much research has lacked
a female perspective or even perspective of different ethnicities especially in
the science field. It seems to me that this research comes out of a patriarchal
and sexist mindset that only (at least appears) to benefit men and not women. Basically
we know what white, straight men think but what do the rest of us think when it
comes to this topic? (and you do know that a white man came up with the tampon </span><br />
<br />
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><b>2.</b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b>
</span></span></span><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Our Sex
Drives Are Different.</b><br />
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">This does not mean men have higher sex drives and that women
have lower sex drives. It means they are different and show up differently. In
some ways male sex drives are more linear and straightforward. Women’s sex
drives tend to vary from high highs to low lows especially when you think of
the female menstrual cycle and the way hormones levels change and interact
throughout the month. There are even</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">a
couple of studies done by Meredith Chivers that shows some difference between
men and women’s desires</span><span style="background: white; color: #323232; font-family: "helvetica"; text-indent: -0.25in;">. </span><span style="background: white; color: #323232; text-indent: -0.25in;">What she
found was that women were aroused physiologically by a much wider range of
stimuli than men.</span><br />
<br />
<b style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span></b><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hormones!</b><br />
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Speaking of hormones, sex drive has more to
do with hormones than with gender. Estrogen, testosterone and progesterone make
up part of the sex drive. Everyone lands on a spectrum of sex drive and each
person has varying degrees of libido often depending largely on our hormone
levels. </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><br />
<br />
<b style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span></b><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Cultural
Constructs Matter</b><br />
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">The stereo-type of men having a higher libido might be more
of a cultural construct than a biological truth.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Different sexual expressions are often a
byproduct of socially constructed norms. Biological differences can arise from
social conditioning such as telling males their whole life that they have a
“strong sex drive” and will struggle with lust affects how they perceive the
world. In the same way perpetuating the stereo-type that “you’re a woman and
you don’t crave sex” has conditioned women to feel shame about their sex drive,
hide it or completely repress it and therefore they don’t believe theirs is
very strong. A survey in the UK showed that 47% of men would give up sex for 6
months for a 50-inch Plasma TV. Women would only make that trade 35% of the
time. So look how gender priorities are reversed!</span><br />
<br />
<b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">5. Don’t
Forget About the Individual Experience</b><br />
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">It is too black and white and inaccurate to
claim that all men have high sex drives and all women have low sex drives. We
cannot reduce or oversimplify humans in such a way. Yes SOME men do. And yes, SOME women do as well. According to research 1 in 5 men would rather do
anything else but sex. </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">It is not helpful
in fostering closeness between partners and it disregards individual
experience, season of life, hormone levels, age, ability, current stressors,
medication side affects and the actual relationship. If anything, this
stereo-type harms both males and females. Men feel constantly pushed into being
the initiator, the more sexually aggressive one, the one who is visual and
needs sex constantly. If they don’t feel this way internally they experience
shame and question their masculinity. In the same way when women find
themselves with a strong sex drive, wanting to initiate sexually and being
aroused easily it can create shame because it feels like they are acting out of
what is seen as abnormal for their gender.</span><!--[if !supportLists]--><o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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*Sidenote let’s for one sec just pretend men do have the
higher sex drive. (like we’ve pretended for the LAST MILLION AND ONE YEARS).
Well I have a question; um since women are the ones who PROCREATE after all,
shouldn’t we be a bit more concerned about helping females out with their SEX
DRIVE? AKA why have we literally poured billions into Viagra to help men keep a
penis awake and done nothing to help out women out?! I am completely baffled. <o:p></o:p></div>
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**Also men and women both agree that <a href="https://thoughtcatalog.com/michelle-toglia/2014/10/12-unbelievable-things-people-would-rather-do-than-have-sex/">bacon is better than sex</a>. Agree or disagree?</div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-28980640051342246312017-09-25T17:42:00.000-07:002017-09-27T16:10:06.451-07:00Marital Strengths<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD855Tzv7w41JKzJ7n18c3Z3ZP-r09fpci7l1CfPWdvxNGJlyLyFf7kdY6vYfJU0WznafHrFLJrFAHAQ0P9ICE8J0okca87VhdFXzLyKmqOG583I_nv6PPHjaOq_me02rOhtObQoz-s27Y/s1600/IMG_5177.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1254" data-original-width="1600" height="500" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD855Tzv7w41JKzJ7n18c3Z3ZP-r09fpci7l1CfPWdvxNGJlyLyFf7kdY6vYfJU0WznafHrFLJrFAHAQ0P9ICE8J0okca87VhdFXzLyKmqOG583I_nv6PPHjaOq_me02rOhtObQoz-s27Y/s640/IMG_5177.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This weekend I am helping out with a Hold Me Tight couples retreat with some other amazing therapists I work with! The retreat is based off of the book called, Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson who is the developer of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I am so looking forward to this retreat! I know that EFT has helped out so many couples in distress and has helped them foster a secure attachment. In honor of this retreat coming up I decided to take a little bit of time to think about my own relationship. I thought of our strengths as a couple and what helps continue to foster our secure attachment to each other.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's ironic (and sad and sometimes humorous) that our culture and media shows us what "strengths" are relationally and how often these so called "strengths" are never what really helps a couple thrive. Often what we see on simplistic romantic comedies (which I love by the way so no hating) as strengths are as follows:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">The couple is super hot (and if not, the woman is super hot)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">They have sex constantly or at least want it constantly (they can barely function, go to work or pay their bills BECAUSE SEXUAL TENSION)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">There is a serendipitous moment (a meet cute) or just a moment of knowing this is the other person's soul mate. How they discover this? Through background music and staring into each other's eyes and moving VERY SLOWLY. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Usually a very weird and easily avoidable misunderstanding/miscommunication. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">An exit and then a chase of sorts (due to disastrous communication). Someone will invariably try to leave by plane, boat, train or on foot (due to their terrible lack of communication skills) and the other will chase them down by plane, boat, train or on foot. </span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Things like consistency, trust, loyalty and putting in the effort (to learn some freaking communication skills) are not exactly highlighted or showcased in the media, movies or books. In defense of romantic comedies if they whole thing was one dialogue about "what makes you feel safe relationally" for example we would all fall asleep. The couple would be more happy but we wouldn't be very entertained. We love our chases! </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I thought I would share some of Scott and I strengths that I experience day to day that help us feel connected and securely attached to one another. When we have conflict I think about the things that are positive about our relationship. I remember that we are so much more than a fight or irritating argument. Some are super simple like shared experiences or hobbies (which helps us feel connected as we spend quality time together) and some are more complex and something we've had to work on (like asking for space when we need it.) </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We both love reading together. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We both like to explore coffee shops and try out new coffee. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We both highly value winning prizes.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We respect each other's space and independence.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We are thrifty and sneaky financially and somehow figure out how to go on trips together.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We are creative.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We take time to hear about each other's day. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We ask the hard questions. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">When we we mess up; we say sorry.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We like to dream about our future together.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We both share a deep passion for COZY. (soft blankets, candles, fun drinks)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We are rock stars because we have different internal clocks. (when Scott is wide awake in the morning I am asleep and when I am buzzing around at midnight he is snoring)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We make time with friends and family a priority and encourage each other to do the same.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We verbally affirm each other regularly.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We feel safe enough to ask for what we want and need.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We write each other little notes.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We usually win at board games when we are on the same team.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Scott is a good cook and I am good eater.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We have rituals (date nights, morning coffee dates, evening prayers)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We are both love spending time with our little pup and taking him to new places, beaches, and parks to explore. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We both care about our neighborhood.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We are deeply and soulfully invested in our faith. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We both care about our spiritual growth.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We list out our gratitudes to each other every night. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We both love nature and the outdoors but hate laying on the sand at the beach because ITCHY.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We are pretty decent candlemakers.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We are really INTO each other.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We connect well intellectually.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">We both love making the other person laugh. </span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-size: large;">What are some of your relational strengths?</span></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-84275003305266552942017-09-10T16:03:00.005-07:002017-09-11T13:39:12.285-07:00Refreshing Gin Tonic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ45qPo8gwHT3A1J0ksqckjAylympDqBBqLYwUgVPHslItGmHQny2SbsD7I7fYDW9x019mRJkfDIDQl8bAepBfZAR7s0QVVRrk7xTzrUZKC2v7pqhYq-eYNR4F2q6EQoKLxBQlTxsf-qwr/s1600/grapefruit.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1054" data-original-width="1600" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ45qPo8gwHT3A1J0ksqckjAylympDqBBqLYwUgVPHslItGmHQny2SbsD7I7fYDW9x019mRJkfDIDQl8bAepBfZAR7s0QVVRrk7xTzrUZKC2v7pqhYq-eYNR4F2q6EQoKLxBQlTxsf-qwr/s320/grapefruit.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Hi guys! I know this is not a life-style blog but sometimes I like lifestyle things especially if it has anything to do with <a href="http://heathermcghee.blogspot.com/2015/10/a-24-hour-guide-to-enjoying-fall-in-san.html">fall</a>, growing an <a href="http://heathermcghee.blogspot.com/2015/10/how-to-grow-urban-garden.html">urban garden</a> or attaining the perfect <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5138468854868744169#editor/target=post;postID=2411798167361109191;onPublishedMenu=template;onClosedMenu=template;postNum=124;src=postname">bikini body</a> (bahahaha) And since it's still hot out in San Diego even though it's September (September is generally our warmest month) I decided to share my favorite refreshing cocktail with you.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Scott and I toured a gin distillery when we visited St. Andrews, Scotland last year and ever since then I've been stuck on gin cocktails. This one is super simple. I don't like complicated ANYTHING in the kitchen so it's very accessible. It's an easy crowd pleaser too.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Grapefruit Gin Tonic</span></b><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<u><span style="font-size: large;">Ingredients:</span></u><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Grapefruit</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Gin</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Rose Lemonade</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Ice</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<u><span style="font-size: large;">Directions:</span></u><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Quarter slice of grapefruit at bottom of glass</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Fill glass with crushed ice.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Add 2 ounces of gin for a double (We love New Amsterdam or Ballast Point Old Grove)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Fill the rest up with rose lemonade (We love Fentimans which you can get on Amazon)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Garnish with a small slice of grapefruit (you can add a lime too!)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">You're welcome. </span><br />
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<br />Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-11241356442576545912017-08-16T14:35:00.000-07:002017-08-28T11:32:39.088-07:00The World Is Scary So Let's Wrangle Some Joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">So the world is a scary place right now.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There are many many reasons for this.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Threats of nuclear war</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Death and injuries dues to Charlottesville white nationalist rally</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So much racism.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So much sexism.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So much violence.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So much bigotry.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The refugee crisis.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Break-ins and burglary in our neighborhood on the regular. (pretty mild all things considering amiright?)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Oh and there are some crazy creepy white supremacy blogs out there. (free advice: sometimes it's best to forget research and go outside so you can avoid losing your mind)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And there is the usually downpour called every day life. Scott got sick with the flu. We ran out of Nyquill, Advil, toilet paper and paper towels all around the same time. The car didn't pass the smog check. Leonard threw up. We spaced paying car registration. We ran out of quarters to do laundry etc...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Besides that; Scott and I have been going through a tough season (outside of the normal mundane type stuff). The details are private right now but I can tell you this WE ALL NEED A LITTLE BIT OF GOOD NEWS.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So I just finished <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Mess-Moxie-Wrangling-Delight-Glorious/dp/0718031849">Jen Hatmaker's new book, Of Mess and Moxie</a> and if you haven't yet, stop whatever you are doing and go buy it!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It made me laugh so hard you guys (and I can't even relate to her content on having teenagers but it was so funny all the same!)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I really needed to laugh. Jen talks about wrangling joy and delight out of life. I love the idea of wrangling something like joy. Because right now? We have to wrangle it. I don't find that joy and happiness is going to just waltz on in without a bit of request or wrangle if you will.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We have to wrestle it in. We have to dig down deep into the gusto and guts and grit of our soul and find the ability to make something of what we have. You remember Jacob and how he had to wrestle a bit to be blessed? (Genesis 32:26) I'm imagining something like that for us.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So here's what I did: I created a little acronym called HOPE* to help wrangle a bit of joy into my every day life. In the mornings I am walking through this practice to pray, set an intention, embrace my values and yes pull joy in like a kite that wants to fly away in this strong and chaotic windstorm called the world.</span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><u>H</u>OPE: What Is Bringing Me Hope Today About The Future?</span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Look you guys, it can be ANYTHING. Don't try to be fancy or philosophical about this. Here's my list:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Fall is coming. (There are already pumpkins at Marshalls and I cannot be sad knowing this)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">My sister is due Sunday (YAY for being an auntie!!!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I COULD win the lottery. (don't analyze this. think big you guys!)</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">G</span><u style="font-size: xx-large;">O</u><span style="font-size: x-large;">OD NEWS: Who Can I Bring Good News To Today?</span><span style="font-size: large;"> (P.S. I know that my "O" is a stretch here but work with me...)</span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We all need some happy news. We desperately do. Who can you advocate for today? Who can you encourage? What can you do practically? Maybe it is buying backpacks for your local elementary school. Maybe it's signing up to bring dinner for the neighbors whose house just burned down and are still recovering from the after shock. Maybe it's donating to the <a href="http://www.sdyouthservices.org/site/PageServer?pagename=STARS">STARS program for teen girls involved with CSEC.</a> (Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children). Maybe it's volunteering your time <a href="https://sdhumane.org/how-you-can-help/volunteer/applications-and-opportunities/san-diego-volunteer-opportunities/">to help walk some dogs.</a> You can become a foster family. You can help fund kids to go to a Young Life camp. And keep calling your senators! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Again, it doesn't have to be a huge life altering decision either. It can be sending a letter encouraging your friend who is going through cancer treatments. It can be telling your spouse you love them. It can be buying the person in line behind you a coffee. (actually forget everything else I told you: THIS IS THE TRUE GOOD NEWS). You can text them and tell them you are really praying for them. Or Amazon Prime them a prize. It's simple. It's a couple clicks and now you are seeing good news via the mail! Host a girls night and drink lots of Sangria. Make your friends a home cooked dinner. This IS always and always and forever amen good news. Good news comes in all shapes and sizes. Find someone and show them God's love. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Here are mine:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Bringing good news to husband via gatorade and medicine and driving him to Urgent Care. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Bringing good news to my clients by reminding them they have hope and they are rock stars. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Bringing birthday presents to nephews + nieces. </span></li>
</ul>
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><u>P</u>OSITIVE: What Is One Positive Thing In My Day? </span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Think of something you're especially grateful for or thankful for today!</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Left-overs. I ate a crunchy salad that I ate for 4 meals straight. #win</span></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO2YWe0N7H4"><span style="font-size: large;">Penguins in Argentina were rescued!</span></a></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Cooler weather. </span></li>
</ul>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><u>E</u>NERGY: Where Do I Want To Put My Energy Today?</span></b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">YOU GUYS. I'll lose it for real if I put all my energy on Trump lump okay? I cannot put all my energy into social media and battling the crazy trolls out there. We gotta forget that noise. I'm trying to put my energy into people I can see and touch and feel today. The people who live in my home, my neighborhood and my community. It's not that I don't care about what is going on "out there" but if I spend all day online trying to educate people on racism I will shit my pants (well wait... it's more likely I'll constipate my pants from gritting my teeth but this isn't really a saying so I digress) Also silver lining: Scott and I will become homeless if I spend all my energy and time fighting online instead of working and being present with my surroundings. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">So for today my energy is on:</span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Scotty and helping him recover from his flu virus.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">My clients.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">My puppy Lenny because feeding and walking him is the best use of my energy sometimes. </span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">So do you want to join me and practice HOPE on the daily? I feel like at the best we will feel a spark of joy and happiness and at the worst, maybe we will have given someone else a tiny ray of hope. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
* I also created a super neat acronym called POOP. It is to help you feel the opposite of hope and joy. Works in a jiffy.<br />
<b>P</b>: Poop your pants (now that is a hope stealer if I have anything to say)<br />
<b>O</b>: Get online. Stay online as long as humanely possible. You will quickly feel like poop in no time!<br />
<b>O</b>: Offer to stand in line at the DMV for a friend. It's a nice thing to do.<br />
<b>P:</b> Politics. Try to think about politics every second of every minute of every hour. You will feeling stunningly shitty in a matter of mili-seconds! But don't let that detour you! Keep thinking about politics.<br />
<br />
For best results: Do not go outside, see the sun or smell fresh air. Stay inside where it's warm and cozy and stale and near your computer and phone and charger. And don't be silly, keep those blinds closed for heavens sake! </div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-88022639232453077482017-07-06T12:31:00.001-07:002017-07-06T12:34:28.714-07:0020 Reasons to Celebrate America Despite it's Glaring Imperfections.<span style="font-size: large;">This week we celebrated the fourth of July.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And if I'm honest I felt a little sheepish about celebrating.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">America is not perfect and this past political season has showcased that quite clearly. (it's been ugly)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's really embarrassing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm pretty appalled by the values we have ignored and disappointed by what we have prioritized.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So I did what I do when I'm feeling a lot. I made a gratitude list. I created a list of things I am thankful for when it comes to America.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I thought I would share it because even when things aren't perfect there are still silver linings and things to be grateful for. (and in no way does this EVER condone the mess we have made here)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Here's what I celebrated on the fourth of July (in no particular order)</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">The National Park Services</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Public libraries</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Trader Joes</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Amazon Prime</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">San Diego beaches</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Donuts</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Stripes and stars are fun</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">The Grand Canyon</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Jazz music</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Baseball (especially the Padres and the Twins)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Steak</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Fall in Minnesota</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">How obsessed we all are with our pets (especially DOGS)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Thanksgiving mashed potatoes and green bean casserole #yum</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">How big the sky is in Nebraska</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Access to clean water </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">COFFEE CULTURE and the whole take-it-to-go thing</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Public education (as flawed as it is...)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Food portions are just large and it is awesome (especially ice-cream scoops)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">All my friends and family that live here</span></li>
</ul>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-39083712934542837342017-04-12T14:03:00.004-07:002017-04-12T14:03:55.805-07:00Book Review: Better Than Before<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">I read the book, <i>Better Than Before </i>by Gretchen Rubin for <a href="http://www.bloggingforbooks.com/">Blogging For Books</a> . It's basic premise and question is, "how we change" and I believe her conclusion is that we change by developing and keeping good habits. She has a lot of practical advice paired with research for all her habits she discusses. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-top: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">She discusses four types of personalities when it comes to making habits, the upholder, obliger, the rebel, the questioner. She states she is an upholder and for upholders her material might be relatable. Her ability to empathize with those different than her seems to be a little bit short sighted. I am a rebel (according to her book) but I disagreed with rebels just breaking rules, struggling with discipline and being seen as lazy teenagers. Most people I know would describe me as very disciplined and mastering a habit has never been difficult for me. I like don't like the status quo and I enjoy breaking rules :) However, I know that discipline has it's dark side. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">As a Marriage and Family Therapist who has worked in treatment centers specifically for those struggling with eating disorders I was uncomfortable with all her talk about eating less sugar, exercising more and wanting to lose a few pounds. It felt so typical to me and completely unaware of a very large population who is so good at discipline and strict diets that they are now in treatment centers for starving themselves or over-exercising. I think I felt a bit protective of this population as she made it seem that everyone just wants and needs to lose a few pounds! (Does this have to be the American dream?!) I found the research to have many holes in it especially after working with nutritionists and diet techs in my profession. Anyway, I digress :)</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">I did enjoy her practical advice on organizations and un-cluttering her home. I did feel she might be over-functioning for everyone around her by offering to clean out their closets for them. It's one thing to do something for yourself, it's another to need to everyone to do the same as you to lower your anxiety or stress. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">I really enjoyed her previous book, The Happiness Project and I always think her goals on getting more sleep is absolutely admirable (and so important for everyone). It's always hard for me not to over-analyze an author whose book's genre is "self-help" especially when it seems that in order to be "happy" or "better" one needs to do all these things externally to create peace inside. I am more interested in books that go "inside" and because of this intentional soul searching and soul tending, are now able to change a few poor habits. Overall I did not love the book. I would probably rank this as a 2.5</span><br />
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<br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Brandon Text", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" />Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-13624216659683781292017-04-09T19:24:00.000-07:002017-04-09T19:29:39.269-07:0052 Books In 52 Weeks<span style="font-size: large;">Hello!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Spring is upon us and with it San Diego is experiencing a super bloom. I have never seen this place so green and lush with wild flowers sprawling all over.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I thought it is time to do a little update on my progress on one of goals Scott and I created in January 2017. Hopefully each quarter I will give an update :)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This year we decided to participate in 52 books in 52 weeks. We have both been out of graduate school for a number of years and also I recently passed all my state boards; so we figured we are in a unique place to accomplish such a feat. For one, we have the energy (because we are not studying) and two, we don't have kids (just a fuzzy puppy) so our evenings could be dedicated to reading over Netflix and Hulu. :)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">On our vacation to the UK we were so inspired by all the beautiful bookstores lining the cobblestone streets (especially up in St. Andrews, Scotland) where tea was served and books of every category, genre and color weaved it's way around the room. We decided to make a list of all the genres of books we hoped to read and also created a few guidelines (I say guidelines because rules are a drag)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We decided we would each get to recommend 3 books to one another. And we also decided we get a maximum of 10 re-reads. (If we didn't have this guideline, Scott would read all 7 of the Harry Potter series probably three times).</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here are the categories we picked in no particular order:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Children Literature</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Self-Development</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Humor</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Mental Health</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Spirituality</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Classics</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Science</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">History</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Biography</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Finances</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Memoir</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Marriage</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Poetry</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Feminism</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Scott and I picked our categories like we were picking team mates in gym class. Scott picked History and I picked Mental Health. He picked Biography and I picked Humor. We both picked Children's Literature because we loveeeeee it. We didn't pick 52 categories because we wanted to give ourselves freedom to read outside of these genres. Scott recently read a whole book on the former Padre's manager, Larry Bowa and I am reading a theory book on Internal Family Systems and neither of these fit entirely within our categories.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was a little behind for awhile but right now I'm about caught up. I am 1/4 of the way done with meeting my 2017 goal!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here are the books I've read so far:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-size: large;">Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Brink*</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Out Of Sorts By Sarah Bessey*+</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Flourish by Margaret Feinberg</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Sandy Toes by Robin Jones Gunn</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">A Little Princess by Frances Hudgon Burnett*</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Spiritual Sobriety by Elizabeth Esther+</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them by J.K. Rowling</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">The Secret Garden by Frances Hudgon Burnett</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Small Victories By Anne Lammott</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">People I Want to Punch in the Throat by Jen Mann</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">The Divorce Express by Paula Danziger</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">The Sin of Certainty by Peter Enns+</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">The Best We Could Do by Thi Bui *+</span></li>
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<span style="font-size: large;">*Favorites (It is so hard to pick favorites)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">P.S. Try not to be offended that I didn't recommend Harry Potter to you. There will be many in the world who will. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">P.P.S. I'm reading the Harry Potter series for the first time. #staycalm</span></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-840991407235432102017-03-04T12:31:00.003-08:002017-03-04T12:55:32.489-08:005 Ways to Recognize an Unhealthy Relationship<div class="MsoNormal">
For just a minute imagine all your friends. Imagine the
people you spend the most time with, the ones you call when you need to vent
and who you text when<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you’re upset.
Visualize your circle, your community and to those you feel you most belong.
Close your eyes if you need to. What are the qualities or characteristics that
come to mind when you think of those you share life with? Are they funny?
Smart? Artistic? Do they sometimes belittle what you say or do they have trouble
communicating what they want? Whatever the qualities are; stay curious about
them. As Jim Rohn says, “We are the average of the 5 people we spend the most
time with” so it’s important to take inventory from time to time regarding who
we spend time with. They (you know those “they say” people, they’re smart) that
in order to know what you’ll be like in 10 years all you have to do is see who
you hang out with and that will give you a good idea of what kind of person you
will be. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) asked that
I give a talk specifically on recognizing unhealthy relationships I was stoked!
I love talking about relationships. I think I’m probably a bit of a buzz kill
with my friends because I almost find it on the hobby spectrum, analyzing,
assessing roles, seeing patterns, identifying cycles, discussing boundaries (so
much fun!!!). So this past Thursday I talked about the 5 things that are signs
of an unhealthy relationship. I (of course) made a very long list of all the red flags, signs,
and how to recognize un-health in relationships but I didn’t have 10 hours to
speak, (I had one) so I had to figure out a way to trim it down. I landed on my
5 things that lead to an unhealthy relationship. I picked them because they are
some of the most common ones I see among my clients as well as ones I have
encountered personally. <o:p></o:p></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--></b><span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>Criticism</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">According to the Gottman Institute a
relationship that includes lots of criticism creates a very unsafe place for a
relationship to survive. And by criticism I am referring to the expression of
disapproval based off of perceived faults (yes just perceived). Gottman has
discovered that there are four traits or qualities that will cause negative and
unhealthy interactions in relationships, including criticism, defensiveness,
contempt and stonewalling. I picked criticism as my top one to focus on today
because it is the most common one to pop up in my work with clients. Often
there is some stonewalling or defensiveness but usually if people are really
seeking help and treatment for their relationship they have learned to check
those at the door. Criticism often comes up in different ways whether it’s
criticizing someone’s cooking, their art, their body or intellect. Criticism is
different than feedback. Feedback has an intention of being positive and
helpful and is also requested when the relationship feels safe. Criticism can
often feel like an insult and does not help a relationship grow or thrive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Criticism is often linked to rigid standards,
perfectionism and shame inducing behavior. It ultimately creates an insecure
attachment in relationships where there is no safety or authentic intimacy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Physical, Verbal,
Emotional, Sexual Abuse<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I realize this one may sound like a
no-brainer. Of course abuse is a </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">sign of unhealthy relationships! But
unfortunately knowing this and actually acting upon this knowledge and letting
it change our relationship patterns is much easier said than done. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>According to the National Collation Against
Domestic Violence <span style="background: white; color: #222222;">1 in 3 women and
1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate
partner within their <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">lifetime</span>.
So this shows that it is extremely common to be in an abusive relationship and
often it is just hard to perceive. The <a href="http://www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/">cycle of violence diagram here</a> shows how power and control can be a catalyst for abuse. Often it is hard for
people to come to terms with accepting and (then getting help) that they are in
an abusive relationship especially if there is no physical damage. Emotional
and verbal abuse should be taken seriously and will never lead to a healthy and
safe relationship. Many who experience psychological and emotional abuse experience depression and PTSD. It was only in 1993 that marital rape was finally considered
a crime in all 50 states (which is crazzzzzzy) and was put under a sexual offense code. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So in a lot of ways, we are still learning and
growing when it comes to understanding abuse and violence and how truly
detrimental it is relationally. </span></span><span style="font-family: "times"; font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>3. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Poorly Differentiated Self</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Differentiation is a term used within
Bowen Family Therapy. It’s a theory that does a lot of work focused around the
family system or an emotional unit. Differentiation refers to the ability to
separate feelings and thinking. It is a process of self-definition and
self-regulation. In life, we are constantly learning to balancing between
togetherness and individuality, both of which can be tricky to do. So someone
who is poorly differentiated may just become more and more like you the longer
they date you for example. They may decide they like all your hobbies, your
favorite colors and eat all the same foods you eat. Scott and I have a lot of
similar beliefs and values and even some similar hobbies. But we also have some
differences. He loves reading fantasy fiction and I have a difficult time
engaging in that type of genre. He enjoys cooking but I think it’s stressful and
annoying. I love staying up late and he is a major early bird. The fact that we
are different in some areas is good, natural and normal. I don’t want to blend
in to Scott and he doesn’t want to blend entirely into me. A person who is not
secure in themself, relies on being the same in order to reduce anxiety. This
comes up often in parent/child relationships as children become adults and
learn how to interact with their parents from an authentic self. Things like
having different politics, spiritual beliefs or even passions can cause the
level of the anxiety in a family to increase. Bowen actually believes that
“that people choose mates with equivalent levels of differentiation to their
own. (We seek people at a similar level of development). Not surprisingly,
then, the relatively undifferentiated person will select a spouse who is
equally fused to his or her family of origin (equally sane or equally crazy)”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One of the top ways I can spot an
unhealthy relationship in my office or even in my personal life is how someone
responds to the word “no”. Unsafe relationships are characterized by having no
boundaries and a fear of saying no. Within this context generally there is a
controller in the relationship and a person who submits to the control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An easy way to spot this early on in the
relationship is how a partner responds to someone’s sexual boundaries. If one
person does not feel comfortable engaging sexually as soon as the other partner
wants to this should be respected. If this boundary is pushed, mocked or
ignored this is a red flag that there is little respect and an aversion to
hearing “no.” With my clients I am constantly teaching them consent and what it
means. Even little kids can come to understand their own personal boundaries or
“bubbles” and begin practicing saying no. As Brené Brown says, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” In order to have a healthy relationship it is absolutely
essential to be able to say no. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If there is one sign I can relate to
struggling with most, this would be the one. I was in a very intense off and on
relationship in my 20’s that seemed to embody this problem perfectly. Neither
of us wanted to share what we wanted or needed. We were scared to be vulnerable
and because of this we both tip toed around each other, guessing, hoping, mind
reading and hoping that by some chance we’d figure each other out. Well since I
don’t live in a chic flic this didn’t happen. (do you want to date a human or a
mind-reader/psychic/fortune teller/someone magical from Harry Potter: you have
to decide) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I can generally tell that a couple is
devitalized by how able they are to express their personal wants and needs and
desires (assuming of course they are not in an abusive relationship, now
differentiated, able to say no).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In our
American culture we are so preoccupied with appearing independent, hard working
and “pull yourself up by the boot straps” mentality that we struggle with
asking for help. It often causes us to feel shame to need help but the reality
is we all need help. We all thrive better together. Unfortunately the media and
many romance novels, or romantic comedies have made it look like we should be pursuing
a relationship in which our partner can read our mind (they just always know
how I am thinking and feeling). This is not our reality. We each have different
brain functions and neural pathways and it is our responsibility to communicate
how we feel and want we want. Assuming someone else will do this for us is
under-functioning and not empowering. My husband and I practice this regularly
and I think it’s so valuable and lo and behold we have found we have different
desires and even sometimes needs and it okay (the sky has not fallen yet)! But
we both have experienced so much security knowing we are each other’s safe
place to share our wants and needs with. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-44059545386449761882017-02-13T20:01:00.001-08:002017-02-13T20:22:31.165-08:00How to Rewire your Brain after a Break-Up (so you can surviveValentine's Day)<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%;">
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">I remember one February I went through a particularly hellish break-up, which according to research, is really frighteningly common. Sure break-ups are normal, most people have a few of them in their lifetime, but the scary part is the staggeringly high number of breakups that happen in February. In fact, more couples break up in February than in any other month with the Tuesday before Valentine’s Day being the most popular day on the calendar for couples to call it quits. My boyfriend at the time broke up with me two days before Valentine’s Day in Las Vegas, and I will never forget sitting slumped on the carpet in the hallway of the 11th floor of the Mandalay Bay hotel and casino. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span>
<span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">Break-ups are rough but they are the absolute worst in February. </span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">When you go through a break up, all those “I feel good” chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin that are so prevalent when you were dating now start racing out of your system looking for the nearest exit. Your brain is literally depletes itself of good feelings, while cortisol, the stress hormone, rushes to move into the newly vacated real estate in your brain. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">This leaves you:</span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">exhausted, because your adrenal glands are activated </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">with a weaker immune system because dopamine and oxytocin actually help regulate that sort of thing </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">quite possibly with head and body aches as inflammation in your body soars </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">with an overall feeling of gloom and doom, because breakups suck and now you are sad.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">But it’s not all bad news (I mean, it is mostly bad news but we have to find a silver lining somewhere right???) because the brain is made to heal itself and recover. Your brain literally knows how to create new pathways. While the month of February might be screaming at you to remember you ex every time you see another red heart or another special for a couples massage, keep in mind your brain is ultimately on your side. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">Here are five things you can do to help re-wire your brain while going through a break-up this month:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Pick Out A Mantra </b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">Whether it’s “this feeling will pass” or “I can do this,” mantras are powerful ways to stay present and mindful in the midst of chaos. And right now, your brain is in chaos. Repeat your mantra daily when you start to spin or feel anxious or fantasize about ways to seek revenge on your ex. As you repeat your mantra your brain will begin creating a new neural pathway that will be your lifeline when the gloom and doom hits. </span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;"><b>Try Something New</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">This one is a non-negotiable. Your brain is great with memories, especially emotionally charged memories. So the goal here is to create a new memory. Join a class and learn about art, music, or writing. Go on a trip to somewhere you’ve never been. Try a food you’ve never tasted before. Right now your brain needs new and novel experiences. Don’t be heading out to you and your ex’s favorite date spot or go-to coffee shop. At least for the first month, try something new and avoid the other stuff. There will be enough that will remind you of them (like the gaping hole in your heart). Don’t make it harder on yourself. </span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;"><b>Go Outside</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s3" style="color: #1155cc; text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/07/22/how-nature-changes-the-brain/?_r=0">According to this research</a></span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"> getting out of the house and into nature can decrease blood flow to the subgenual pre-frontal cortex or the part of the brain that likes to obsess about stuff. If you want the part of your brain that loves ruminating to quiet down a bit consider getting out into nature. Take a hike, take a walk along the beach, or head to a local flower garden. Fresh air, new scents and a little movement in nature does wonders for the brain. </span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;"><b>Hang Out With Some Fur-Babies (read pets, not especially hairy infants…)</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">There are plenty of ways to volunteer when it comes to animals. The Humane Society offers many ways such as dog walking, pet bathing, administering medicine or cleaning out kennels to get involved. If you have a friend who has a pet, offer to take them for a walk. Pet owners (as I am one) love this. Sometimes you just need to snuggle with a fuzzy little dog or cat where you feel unconditional acceptance and love. When the brain feels safe and loved, the brain relaxes and this alone helps us to heal. </span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;"><b>Self-Care</b></span><br />
<span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">I know many of these could fall under the “self-care” category but I want to address basic self-care such as eating, hydrating and sleeping. It’s easy to turn to coping skills that help us numb (i.e. drugs, alcohol, excessive shopping, under-eating or over-eating) but this is not the time to be cavalier about self-care, your immune system is already vulnerable. Lack of apatite might be normal after a loss, but your brain still desperately needs you to eat. The brain is made of fat and when don’t eat the foods we need, part of our brain begins to shut down. The same goes for sleep. When we don’t sleep there are all kinds of side effects such as increased blood pressure, impaired brain activity and a lowered immune system. If these things are not in place your brain will have trouble healing. Do what you need to make sure you have this part covered whether that’s reaching out to a trusted friend, a support group or a therapist. </span><br />
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-44275311958990211472016-12-18T15:15:00.000-08:002016-12-18T21:35:41.739-08:00My Christmas Letter<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dearest family and friends, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I love Christmas. Anticipating Advent. Twinkly lights. The
smell of pine. Crinkly wrapping paper. Red and white twine. Moss and thyme. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nativity Scenes. Chilly weather. Christmas has
always felt like some kind of safe, warm and cozy bubble in which I have to
emerge from every January. It’s a giant blanket woven with love and I’m
grateful enough to have so many good memories around this sacred season. The
world feels crowded with love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And I love letters. Snail mail. Hand written. I get lost in
the card section at Target. I love stationary and I firmly believe in the power
of receiving a note in the mail box. The smell of paper and pens and sharpies
and fresh envelops. Crisp and connecting. It’s connecting one part of the world
to the other where your hand holds something my hand has held. There is love
shared. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">So naturally I love Christmas letters. I know that one might
think that this practice is dead or old fashioned , but I still hold to this
beautiful discipline of writing letters. I like knowing about what people are
up to and about their lives and what matters to them. I like seeing their
pictures pegged up on our cork board every year. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">So here is my Christmas letter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But so much of me feels this internal pressure, this
performance anxiety, this inner hustle to give everyone the highlight reel of
my life. The promotions, the career advancement, the house, the kids, the dog,
the vacation, the-I’m-doing-it-American-dream.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Not that these things are bad inherently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But I want everyone to know all is calm and all is bright, right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">So I cling to what is
easy, and glossy, and pretty and busy. Fast and trendy, big and booming.<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I assume everyone wants the PG version of my life. </span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You know
the edited one, the filtered, air-brushed, face-tuned one. The smooth one. The
one that has no edges or bumps or lumps one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I could be very selective in what I share, just like I want
to be with my feelings. But when I numb the negative feelings, I certainly lose
a capacity to experience the positive feelings. And when I only share the
highlight reel a bit of my humanity is lost. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I could tell you about passing my licensure exams to become
a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But you wouldn’t know that I studied and stressed and sweat
for 6 months straight (aka 12 years total of education and gaining hours). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I could tell you that Scott’s job is going amazing and that
kids are encountering Jesus and we are always well funded. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But then you wouldn’t know how terrifying it feels to live
off of generosity. How hard it can feel to constantly
be searching for new donors. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I could tell you this whole year was great, we moved into a
bigger apartment, we adopted a fuzzy little puppy we adore, we went on an
amazing trip to the United Kingdom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But you wouldn’t know about Scott losing both his
grandfathers, his mother being diagnosed with cancer, or that she is now cancer
free.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You wouldn’t know that sometimes the stories I hear from my
clients are so devastating that I sometimes wonder why I chose this career. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And that death, miscarriages, cancer, racism,
eating disorders, affairs, poverty, addictions, suffering and the refugee crisis have no easy answer. There is
no American dream that will erase this kind of pain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I could tell you about our trip to the Grand Canyon, The
Tower of London, the Castle of Edinburgh. I could tell you about zip lining
over a lake, paddle boarding across smooth waters and swaying in a hammock
peacefully. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But would you know about our more ordinary things, the
bills, our head colds, the jet lag, our piles of laundry, our cars needing oil
changes and our puppy needing a bath. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">All might be calm and bright. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But it’s also hard. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">So hard. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It’s brutal. And it’s beautiful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And it’s also ordinary and just meh. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And I think about what this holiday season ushers into us
with gusto and grandiosity. Large Christmas trees and beckoning sales and
lists and more to do and loud and blaring and chaotic and holiday parties and
that little black dress and family and frenzied plans and flights and gift exchanges
and candy canes and flashing lights and red lips and on and on and on. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">This
holiday season in America invites the chaos with open arms and open mouths and
dazed eyes. </span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br></span></span>
<br>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We've got clenched fists and are practically out of our wits. </span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We can’t see or feel what it’s really about because we are
numb. And it’s too scary to talk about ordinary or hard or brutal or how it
really is because Christmas is shiny and pretty and glittery and sparkly gold
and BE MERRY nearly screams in our ears as we count down to Christmas. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Deep breath. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Our trip to the United Kingdom was wonderful and beautiful.
And while there have been thin places and gaping holes in the canvas that is our
year, our trip was not one of them. Scotland is filled with rolling brilliant
green hills; freckled with little white fuzzy dots. The sheep that filled the
countryside laid around and munched on grass or simply stared off into
space. It spun me back to a navy blue sky scattered with twinkly lights, fields
and a chilly breeze.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO3-dFjdvWxXvUgcwzD3yLZbK_sSijV9WG2nfZceDT7hc6AJ7ClxAIew5EbWZMMwnXvQe5WKfZkfUqe_rX45yT2oWN_gDtDDY-PzrAvsUy8IAWDvfHTPtnYGd6FLiHV8MJSlekGUKIoDI_/s640/blogger-image--1001749929.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO3-dFjdvWxXvUgcwzD3yLZbK_sSijV9WG2nfZceDT7hc6AJ7ClxAIew5EbWZMMwnXvQe5WKfZkfUqe_rX45yT2oWN_gDtDDY-PzrAvsUy8IAWDvfHTPtnYGd6FLiHV8MJSlekGUKIoDI_/s640/blogger-image--1001749929.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Shepherds keeping watch over their flock by night. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The starry filled sky opened up with angels and good news. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And the good news was a tiny little baby. A small heartbeat.
Shrill screams. Good news was scratchy hay and a smelly stable and not enough
room inside. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This isn’t my exegesis on Luke 2 but I have to wonder if the
holy and sacred might begin with small and quiet and listening and wonder. Not
loud, straining, hustling and bustling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I feel like it might be more honest and raw than we were are willing to see. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Here comes God riding on the small and uncertain, the hard
and terrifying, the so-not-ready-for-this, the unfiltered, the mundane, the
not-enough-space for you, the sacred ordinary. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We can just be sheep who bear witness to the miraculous
falling out of the sky. The divine shaped to a fetal ball rolling and breaking
and pushing into our world. A Savior who is Christ the Lord. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">The good news is here. </span><span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The sacred is now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The brutal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And the beautiful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">As the acute and
colorful holiday chaos rush past me I will sit on the fields of my mind staring up
at the velvet night sky. Sheep do not hustle by any stretch of the imagination.
They are fuzzy and wooly and dirty. They don’t boast of polished or glossy
anything. Much of what they do is receive. And My Christmas letter, as for this
year, will just point you back to the sky, to the rolling hills, to the
scattered sheep, to the night that everything changed for us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Shepherd who holds the lambs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who holds you in all your beautiful
imperfections and stunning brokenness and earth shattering value. Who holds you
through it all. </span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<br>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The Shepherd hold you through your whole year of brutal and beautiful.</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Frayed and fragile. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Brave and bountiful. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Kind and connected. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Scared and white knuckling through. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Holding you. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Shepherd doesn’t need you to perform or hustle or strive this
Christmas. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And if we aren’t looking and getting quiet and curious,
we’ll miss it. The being held. The sheep. The good news. The Shepherd. I don’t want to miss it. So take a deep breath
and uncurl your fingers just like a baby did so many years ago, and let
Christmas hold you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Merry Christmas!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Love, Heather and Scott and Leonard</span></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-85282844440552451792016-10-29T15:20:00.001-07:002016-10-29T15:24:34.206-07:00Five Ways Your Pup Can Help Reduce Anxiety<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">We all know by now how much I simply adore our little pup, Leonard. On November 1st, he will be one years old. Besides taking him to his first annual physical at the vet today and gathering little prizes and gifts for him, I've been thinking about all the ways Lenny has helped Scott and I reduce our stress these past 9 months. (except for vet bills, we'll leave finances out of this!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">While I know there are countless ways our fuzzy friends are like superheroes when it comes to managing stress and reducing anxiety; I've included just five of the top ways they do so.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">DOGS MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD:</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEietgoQ4UZCuvw8aitMME0jXj35SIk6X-JxvKltDzmHi6DERu567824wN5m2pxKoE5nBwysDCk4dPiRxwUELzZKauXBIVSUGssEzYpaimhsMRe3ewjCSRGmGxepEL4dwYPIjDtN3n8JqWbN/s640/blogger-image--1128606109.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEietgoQ4UZCuvw8aitMME0jXj35SIk6X-JxvKltDzmHi6DERu567824wN5m2pxKoE5nBwysDCk4dPiRxwUELzZKauXBIVSUGssEzYpaimhsMRe3ewjCSRGmGxepEL4dwYPIjDtN3n8JqWbN/s640/blogger-image--1128606109.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Dogs can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine (those lovely things that help us relax and calm down). Just playing with Leonard by taking him to dog beach, throwing his ball or teaching him tricks helps bring down my anxiety level. Lenny lives in the moment and often anxiety resides in the past or future so staying present to play with a pup is really helpful.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">DOGS MAKE GOOD GUARDS:</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY_e50pSmgflidTGWtiC2r2yhWlSuXOsyYauEtWbKJzZbzFF7OHK9VjJ-Nt5H9iqsHOBGhqo5oEhGL3xaKjjeNAME77xJjO1JCG2AKCqyK0CCBIWLBXYCJQKXLkBiv6HWhyphenhyphenEB3EKHp2M3R/s640/blogger-image--761913482.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY_e50pSmgflidTGWtiC2r2yhWlSuXOsyYauEtWbKJzZbzFF7OHK9VjJ-Nt5H9iqsHOBGhqo5oEhGL3xaKjjeNAME77xJjO1JCG2AKCqyK0CCBIWLBXYCJQKXLkBiv6HWhyphenhyphenEB3EKHp2M3R/s640/blogger-image--761913482.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Dogs are little guards especially at night. When Scott would leave on work trips when we first got married I would dread the nights of sleeping alone. I would set up sleep-overs and buy night lights and deadbolt the door 10x but nothing has helped the way having little Lenny curled up next to me does. If I get nervous and wake from a nightmare in the middle of the night, I just reach over and hold Lenny's paw and immediately feel my nervous system calming down.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">DOGS GET YOU OUTSIDE:</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg49MLIMe5TxCArG4aOdojUWogk4s6CPXImk7zE6OPHA3KT3BTE65IaNBVuwJ816CH9KYZXM0DE-noOCcBMVRWvtBnWMfub6ywBv1CglPBkSxvCun4K8mv0IeVE6Ph6h6MfzbAFlQhtCnK/s640/blogger-image-1482295684.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg49MLIMe5TxCArG4aOdojUWogk4s6CPXImk7zE6OPHA3KT3BTE65IaNBVuwJ816CH9KYZXM0DE-noOCcBMVRWvtBnWMfub6ywBv1CglPBkSxvCun4K8mv0IeVE6Ph6h6MfzbAFlQhtCnK/s640/blogger-image-1482295684.jpg" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">We know that the sun offers vitamin D and that vitamin D helps regulate our mood. Leonard needs multiple walks a day, therefore Scott and I get a lot of time in the sun these days. Movement, and vitamin D all are linked to reducing cortisol and anxiety levels. Thanks Lenny!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>DOGS ARE GROUNDING:</b></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHjEpR3NeRrcrJr05JPYggtJNeCqr2Kn_VgdZkBSx_d_bm_Pb80uiRD9WWvUOlzZIoF0kFvzx8uoh-tuWCkhSP8VOxXaD4mM2byfACAUrAtvt64PmHH0fY0KmZ2K5jkgqRKILGInM8vX2J/s640/blogger-image--1773908516.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHjEpR3NeRrcrJr05JPYggtJNeCqr2Kn_VgdZkBSx_d_bm_Pb80uiRD9WWvUOlzZIoF0kFvzx8uoh-tuWCkhSP8VOxXaD4mM2byfACAUrAtvt64PmHH0fY0KmZ2K5jkgqRKILGInM8vX2J/s640/blogger-image--1773908516.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">As I mentioned before dogs help you remain in the present. If someone is experiencing extreme panic, flashbacks or even PTSD just reaching out and petting a puppy can be very grounding. It reminds you of what is going on right now. Trauma informed care includes learning to use our sense (what we see, feel, touch, smell) to help us stay in the moment. Holding a little pup and hearing their heart beat against our own reminds us that we are living in the present, not the past or future.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>DOGS MAKE YOU LAUGH:</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Laughter is the best medicine. Laughter increases our oxygen (giving us relaxed muscles) and reduces cortisol levels (the stress hormone). So it isn't any surprise that watching our pets and dogs' silly antics can really calm us down. Even Leonard does something really "naughty" I sometimes have to suppress my laughter so he knows I'm serious. (like last night when he ate off the stem of pumpkin #yummy?). Sometimes Lenny jumps under the bed with only his tail sticking out. Sometimes he chases his tail. Sometimes he runs at full tilt in a tight circle with his tongue hanging out and his eyes looking wild. Sometimes he growls at Halloween decorations in neighbor's yards. If you don't have a dog, watch this video and it will give you a good laugh.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">What about you? How do pets help reduce your stress?</span></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-10449202754057292962016-10-21T21:24:00.003-07:002016-10-27T15:03:01.054-07:00The Exam.<span style="font-size: large;">My heart is racing. The air I inhale feels thin. I am ramping up. Almost ready for take off.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The adrenalin rush and heart pounding reminds me of the night before track meets when I was in high school. I would always visualize my race as I would fall asleep (or not fall asleep more accurately). I would hold my breath and my chest would become tight as I thought of the agonizing 400 meter race.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This time I'm visualizing my state boards. I'm imagining something I've been working towards for 8 years. I'm anticipating my licensure exam. My four hour licensure exam.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've been studying for three months tirelessly, endlessly, with gusto and discipline. But I am tired now. My brain has reached capacity on information and my storage is running low.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">On the day of the exam I do the things I'm told to do, almost robotically. Scott makes me a good nutrient dense breakfast. My exam is at 1:30. I fill the reminder of my time by following my list. My list makes me feel safe and grounded. And it reminds me of what really matters. #dontshityourpants</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I take my puppy for a walk around the neighborhood. I do some yoga and deep breathing to calm my nerves. I have "savor time" in which I read and journal and pray and drink coffee. (only this morning my journal entry was one sentence) and I'm pretty sure my prayers were quite minimal.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Scott drives me to the test site. I gulp some juice but I am so nauseated. The testing site is what you would expect. Big and corporate. White and sterile. It's stern and stifling in the waiting room. Everyone is just in there waiting for a finger print and a picture while they sweat outwardly and swear inwardly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">They call my name too early and I request to bring my tampon into the testing room but this is not even allowed. (yes of course it's that time of the month). Nothing is allowed in that damn testing room. No hoodies, no snacks, no Advil, no water, no freaking tampon you guys. I pour on all my Young Living Clarity Oil and walk into the room full of cubicles. I see my best friend's top knot in cubicle 7. I can't talk to her or even look at her. I hold my breath and am put in a cubicle by a window. The joy of being by a window in a room of no color, muted lights and lack of oxygen does little to comfort me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I use every minute of those four hours. The computer screen is fuzzy from the beginning and I strain to read the questions which feel more like reading long paragraphs with endless irrelevant detail. It's hot in here and I keep praying for more air cause I'm trying to breathe. I feel my chest tighten as I check the time and continue making my way through the 170 questions. I push the screen closer and closer to my face as the questions continue to blur in and out of focus. Soon the screen is just inches from my nose. I consider leaving in the middle of my exam feeling that I don't have what it takes after all. A thousand scenarios flash through my mind of impending doom but I press on. I remind myself of what I've learned and this does not include theories or diagnosing or treatment plans or law and ethics.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What I've learned is this: I might feel uncertain but I will keep going. I might be confused but I will keep moving forward. I might feel inferior and inadequate but I'll show up anyway. I'm not going to let Hard stop me. I can do Hard. I will show up sweaty and sticky and smelly. This exam or this ____ (fill in the blank) will not define my worth and value. I can do this.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So as the timer logs me out and I've finished all my questions I head out to the test proctor, preparing for the worst. She has me sign some forms. Her affect is flat and I am essentially a walking vegetable. In my head I am already in the car crying with Scott. I am not here signing pointless forms awaiting the fail verdict. She silently hands me a sheet of paper. I take a quick glance out of the corner of my eye and there it is; that beautiful four letter word.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">PASS</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I walk out into the sun in a daze where Scott literally pounces from the car as he's been a nervous wreck for four hours. I hand him my paper. The paper that says PASS. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I inhale the fresh crisp air. The sun tilts towards me as Scott embraces me . Stuffy and sweaty is now a distant memory. Clammy and nauseated is over. I walked right through the Hard and I came out on the other side; <strike>four hours </strike>8 years later. #kidding #notreally </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">You guys there is ANOTHER SIDE!!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And I'm finally on the other side!!!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For those of you who have rallied around me for the past few years, months, weeks and days I am so grateful for you. Your comments on my blogs and Instagram have meant so much to me. Your notes and cards and care packages in my mail box left me giddy with joy. Your text messages and your warm embrace leave me grateful. Your prayers reminded I was not alone and that you were in my corner too. Your belief and support gave me little wings to keep flying and keep going when it was the hardest. Your ability to sweat profusely outside my test site for hours has convinced me there is such a thing as "the one" and you're it. I love you. They always say it takes a tribe to raise a child. I think it might take a tribe to raise a good therapist. So thank you. I have the best tribe. You all make me rich.</span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-47192944417463377992016-09-30T14:00:00.004-07:002016-09-30T14:03:42.250-07:00Last Day Of Blog-Tember | My Advice.<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #686868; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18.48px;">It's our last day of <a href="http://www.braveloveblog.com/2016/09/blog-tember-day-30-parting-words.html#disqus_thread">Bailey's Blog-Tember Challenge</a>! Congrats to all of us! I'm sad it's ending. I look forward every September to this writing challenge. I meet so many wonderful fellow bloggers who are so encouraging and inspiring. But this prompt is especially fun so let's get to it! </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b style="background-color: white; color: #686868; line-height: 18.48px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></b>
<b style="background-color: white; color: #686868; line-height: 18.48px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Today's Prompt: </span></span></b><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; line-height: 18.48px; text-align: justify;">Picture this, you've been stopped on the street by the photographer of Humans of New York, and he asks, "What advice would you give to a large group of people?" Share a picture of yourself along with the advice.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; line-height: 18.48px; text-align: justify;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">External Self (how I would like you to see me) </span> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">Internal Self (what I don't want you to see)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; line-height: 18.48px; text-align: justify;">I'm going to give some advice that I need to hear on a regular basis. Here it is:</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18.48px; text-align: justify;"><b>Don't judge or compare your inside with someone's outside. </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #686868; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18.48px;">In other words, we are so quick to compare ourselves to others highlight reel. We see all those airbrushed, edited, face-tuned photos and wonder what is wrong with us. We see others work-full time, raise children and manage to volunteer and immediately we begin to turn on ourselves and berate ourselves for not doing it all. We shrink when we compare. We determine our inner worth based off of everyone else's outer appearance, accomplishments or achievements. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #686868; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18.48px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #686868; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18.48px;">We intuitively know this is not true but we FEEL that it is. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #686868; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18.48px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #686868; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18.48px;">For so many years I would look at others as a barometer to remind myself that I can and SHOULD be doing all of these things. I would constantly criticize myself and wonder why am I so tired after work? <i>How come they can work full time and have energy? How come they have the stamina for pinterest parties and baking from scratch? How on earth do they keep up with manicures and hair trims and eye-brow waxing and shaving when I can barely manage keeping up with my laundry and showering?! How do they manage the strength to lead a bible-study, lead a workshop and volunteer with the homeless?</i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #686868; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18.48px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #686868; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18.48px;">And then there are deeper and more harsher comparisons. <i>I bet they've never struggled with anxiety. I bet they've never felt so scared. They probably have a 4.0 GPA without even trying. They've probably never felt insecure. They're so much stronger. They don't know what it's like to suffer or lose someone they love. They've probably never been really tempted to lie, steal and cheat. Their friends are always there for them. Their toes are always painted and they've never struggled with addictions. And they own a home and have published 5 books and they are only 25</i>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But here's the truth;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>We all have a bit of a mess inside. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">You know why I know?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Because we're human. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And yet we are still so beautiful, special, competent, courageous, capable and worthy even if we are a hot mess. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Today I smile a little when someone presents me with a perfect image because I know that's not the whole truth. It's not the entire story of who they are. I know that we only put out what we think the world will accept. I know that we are scared and so we don't show our most authentic selves. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So when I come across someone who is working so SO hard to cover up the real version of her/himself I have a little more compassion. They are not fooling anyone but I understand the need to hide behind perfection. It often feels safer from a harsh and critical world. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">If being a therapist has taught me anything it's that we are all seeking similar things; love, belonging and connection. And that no one has the whole "life thing" down perfectly. In the past four years I have seen a lot of different clients and let me tell you something, you would never know from just looking at some of them that they are struggling. And even some of my closest friends, you would never know. Because they appear smart, successful, competent and are all gorgeous (in my humble opinion #friendbrag) and they are all of those things AND they struggle just like everyone else. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">No one actually skips or prances through life without feeling lost, alone, confused or scared at some point or another. It just doesn't happen. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So next time you're tempted to compare your inner world with someone else's outer world remind yourself that you don't know the whole story behind that person's highlight reel. But you know your story and I bet there are moments of happiness, pain, love, confusion and strength scattered throughout your precious story. Own that story and hold your head high. You are a gem.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> Or you can always just look back up at my pictures to have a good laugh because what we see externally isn't always what is going on internally (aka inside I am fuzzy, sweating, nervous and terrified of my exam AND I am still capable, competent and courageous) </span></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-31673013322341597202016-09-29T23:42:00.002-07:002016-09-29T23:44:32.955-07:00Blog-Tember day 29 | Top Five Blogs<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 18.48px; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Better late than never right?! I'm just minutes before midnight but I'm going to make it! I can't wait for my licensure exam to be over so I can go back and read all of the last couple prompts from all my blogging friends out there! </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Today's Prompt: Your Fab Five. Share Your Favorite Bloggers:</span></b></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18.48px;"><a href="http://momastery.com/blog/about-glennon/"><span style="font-size: large;">Glennon Doyle Melton</span></a></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Her blog is fantastic. I've read both her books, <i>Carry on Warrior and Love Warrior </i>and they are both amazing. She is such a courageous truth teller. She reminds me that rock bottom is not the worst thing to experience and that we are not alone. </span></div>
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<b><a href="https://rosieshappymusings.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size: large;">Rosie's Cottage</span></a></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I love Rosie's blog! She writes about books, home organization, cooking, her sweet hubby and sweet baby, Jade. She battles so much chronic pain and still manages to be so generous and kind to those around her. She is a gem and the sweetest soul. I always feel right at home when I visit her blog. </span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18.48px;"><a href="http://rachelheldevans.com/blog"><span style="font-size: large;">Rachel Held Evans</span></a></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Rachel's blog always makes me think! She writes about theology, gender roles,feminism, politics and other controversial subjects in the faith community. I love her ability to think outside the box and challenge ways of thinking that are harmful. </span></div>
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<a href="http://krystiwilkinson.com/"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Krysti Wilkinson</span></b></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> Krysti is my fellow book lover, feminist, investigator and friend. She writes about her thoughts on life, faith and passion. She writes with wit, sass and integrity (all things that I adore). </span><br />
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18.48px;"><a href="http://www.leeanatankersley.com/"><span style="font-size: large;">Leeana Tankersley</span></a></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Leanna's beautiful words and stories inspire me. She has written <i>Found Art, Breathing Room and Brazen;</i> of which I have read and loved. </span></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-21157282630674269212016-09-28T09:49:00.001-07:002016-09-28T18:05:42.845-07:00Blog-Tember Day 28 | Top FiveToday's Prompt: The Top 5 Pictures That Illustrate Your Year So Far!<div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Lots and lots of studying for my licensure exam. Seven months of studying and only 7 days left!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiQqCXcUQZUWu1tqXZZ0E-0qevLCRHZP0BLDBcIasuqHNrzDROmnx8nLa6Eqmbsf7b-WlN0BllF_MaZiE5_9H7_f8PYygQOXzhSFbV7_-7SdkL9Ggr8vKuuvFK0t7DBKueP5_NCf-lgjVS/s640/blogger-image-895231939.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiQqCXcUQZUWu1tqXZZ0E-0qevLCRHZP0BLDBcIasuqHNrzDROmnx8nLa6Eqmbsf7b-WlN0BllF_MaZiE5_9H7_f8PYygQOXzhSFbV7_-7SdkL9Ggr8vKuuvFK0t7DBKueP5_NCf-lgjVS/s640/blogger-image-895231939.jpg"></a></div><div><br></div>Getting our first puppy! I can't believe it's only been since March that we welcomed our amazing and fuzzy little guy into our home. We are crazy about him. </div><div><br><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHtP3-d_p5gY02T0Lay8zZqv0RsBw32PYCe6BUawX6hC-5v5mvrGMcFmyLrhoZ11yjrVUY4GK6DBpisuhuAOt7xwr-gaowkauhvahNVSvao1mNabrGPTfaqdhsTcWNjMhyphenhyphen7qtM0k6BO_CY/s640/blogger-image--929906877.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHtP3-d_p5gY02T0Lay8zZqv0RsBw32PYCe6BUawX6hC-5v5mvrGMcFmyLrhoZ11yjrVUY4GK6DBpisuhuAOt7xwr-gaowkauhvahNVSvao1mNabrGPTfaqdhsTcWNjMhyphenhyphen7qtM0k6BO_CY/s640/blogger-image--929906877.jpg"></a></div></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Lots and lots of travel this year to visit both our families, weddings, bachelorette parties and work related travel (including Disney World, Minnesota and Lost Canyon Camp!) </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqPCm8B5oid3Rj0zcqmtGPGIxhA5DMoWL3i13lL6-lJIS68WDPD3cfYvaGbFlZxfY5PftnGKeKezDUPi6VfTXvCgoBmC7eGvE1h1Tb7HCl0HgZrprlUGhRaGSkZshnUXWbyiB5kpNicejw/s640/blogger-image-1360980824.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqPCm8B5oid3Rj0zcqmtGPGIxhA5DMoWL3i13lL6-lJIS68WDPD3cfYvaGbFlZxfY5PftnGKeKezDUPi6VfTXvCgoBmC7eGvE1h1Tb7HCl0HgZrprlUGhRaGSkZshnUXWbyiB5kpNicejw/s640/blogger-image-1360980824.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Big life events for so many of my good friends including being a bridesmaid in a wedding and becoming a godmother to the sweetest baby girl! (As of yesterday)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQnWo1AJpSZbF37JwwurKlA9hRDGQZ1s6kc2reu_j6eqwsLlBpbVSLqIuXSUgHLh70u-JkwGBqj5hofvx_gfEkayrBTHwBg4vYv33lvfRDCvadNwLFtwbJ9yyTlFCzGDwvfISmXWpgc_bl/s640/blogger-image--544339489.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQnWo1AJpSZbF37JwwurKlA9hRDGQZ1s6kc2reu_j6eqwsLlBpbVSLqIuXSUgHLh70u-JkwGBqj5hofvx_gfEkayrBTHwBg4vYv33lvfRDCvadNwLFtwbJ9yyTlFCzGDwvfISmXWpgc_bl/s640/blogger-image--544339489.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Last but not least my amazing and fierce mother-in-law was diagnosed with uterine cancer this year shortly after Mother's Day. It was a very scary time for everyone. She's been through surgery and radiation and so many ups and downs. But this month she was declared cancer free and we are so very grateful!!!</div><div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL3z1fXaU1Vr3zINamp-gGoWo-UgUYHRo8VJHUrzdFjHatbLf8lfcY728zqc_Aa-6F4cryG2M-K9-nTtxlgqfFNvsPQZuFOLGepBqdJbmTmNN8guSorE313U0LkXxdhAxUfc7R6eREwUCz/s640/blogger-image-1226700654.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL3z1fXaU1Vr3zINamp-gGoWo-UgUYHRo8VJHUrzdFjHatbLf8lfcY728zqc_Aa-6F4cryG2M-K9-nTtxlgqfFNvsPQZuFOLGepBqdJbmTmNN8guSorE313U0LkXxdhAxUfc7R6eREwUCz/s640/blogger-image-1226700654.jpg"></a></div></div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-14703318064123669922016-09-27T21:49:00.002-07:002016-09-27T21:53:14.735-07:00Blog-Tember Day 27 | Laughing and CryingI am becoming painfully slow at getting my prompts out in a timely manner as my state exam looms closer and closer. Only 6 days left! Today was my final mock exam and for the rest of the week I'll be reviewing and studying all the material. I can't wait for it to be done! Naturally it was good to think about the last time I laughed.<br />
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<i><b>Today's Prompt: Something that made you laugh or cry recently. It could be a video, a picture, a post, a memory, anything that moved you. </b></i><br />
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I love humor and comedy so much. These two videos made Scott and I laugh so much. No matter what your views are politically I'm sure you'll find a couple things pretty humorous about the videos below. :)<br />
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LAUGH.<br />
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LAUGH SOME MORE.<br />
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AND CRY.<br />
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I really struggle to cry at appropriate moments you guys. I've never been the type to cry through a wedding or a chick flick or during a graduation. I don't cry in hospitals or at baby showers or at anniversaries. Sometimes I really wish the tears would just form. I couldn't even cry when Scott proposed! I become emotionally constipated for some reason during big major life events.<br />
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This isn't to say I don't cry! I totally do. It's just during times when I feel deeply and intensely and my feelings get stuck inside of me.<br />
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I also am known to laugh when it's very VERY serious. Sometimes I'll laugh so hard I'll cry. And usually I'm glad I look like I'm crying because it's very embarrassing to be laughing so hard during a church service or a business meeting.<br />
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What has made you laugh and cry recently?</div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-88225528047656753922016-09-24T22:36:00.000-07:002016-09-25T09:04:11.922-07:00Blog-Tember Day 25 | A Brazen Book Review*<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(254, 254, 254);">
<span style="color: #373e4d; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 18.48px;">Okay I skipped yesterday mainly because I couldn't think of anything I've re-created to be quite honest. That either means I've been studying too much or what I do re-create ends up being less-than-pinterest-worthy. This past summer I tried this DIY coffee scrub and it looked awesome in theory but was awful in execution. (Little tiny brown crumbs ALL over my body and hair after I showered.) So no, I wasn't going to refer you to such an experience! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>Today's Prompt: Review Something! A place, a book, a service, a product. Anything at all!</b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo9IIdV52a2D1HX-ZiNtDcM0V5FfZJWvl_YeoMfaN7PpIROjkZdaX1vbrQShFvqPciB-xkkxrDo-sNZWtkd_8Qb7b_tvde8OM_VF3gtURU_Ia6UMd5HiLW_n6sXeLUDSjSXnGgDnmq1Xk2/s640/blogger-image-197430377.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo9IIdV52a2D1HX-ZiNtDcM0V5FfZJWvl_YeoMfaN7PpIROjkZdaX1vbrQShFvqPciB-xkkxrDo-sNZWtkd_8Qb7b_tvde8OM_VF3gtURU_Ia6UMd5HiLW_n6sXeLUDSjSXnGgDnmq1Xk2/s640/blogger-image-197430377.jpg"></a></div><br></b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">I've read SO many good books this year but wanted to share one book (really one chapter with you. I really loved called <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Brazen-Courage-Find-Thats-Hiding/dp/0800726820/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1474781443&sr=8-1&keywords=Brazen+book">Brazen, the Courage To Find The You That's Been Hiding</a> by Leeana Tankersley. The book is about shame and freedom and what keeps our nose to the ground and what helps us breathe deeper. I wrote it a couple months ago and wanted to share this as my <strike>book review </strike>my personal thoughts on one chapter. :)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes I get a little “buzzy” as I like to call it. I don’t mean the buzz from a glass of wine or even the buzz from a cup of coffee. I mean the brain buzz. And generally my buzzy buzzard self emerges when I’m feeling vulnerable, a little on edge and well…</span><span style="color: #373e4d; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">holding my breath. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">Scott left this past week for his grandfather’s memorial service in Colorado. Since I had never met his grandfather, I stayed back with Lenny our puppy. The first night I awoke around <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_2013283757" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">1:30 am</span></span> from horrible nightmares so the second night alone I had to do something before bed to calm myself. (other than the obvious: have Lenny sleep in the bed with me). </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">I decided to read the next chapter in the book I’m currently reading right now called <i>Brazen</i> by Leeana Tankersley. I <a href="http://heathermcghee.blogspot.com/2016/04/my-dirty-little-secret.html" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;">spoke briefly about it in my last blog</a> but it’s all about finding our true selves, living without shame, reclaiming our voice and living from a place of worthiness and becoming. She talked about how she has this desire to be creative and expressive but often is feels frivolous. This feeling stunts the creative process and rather than exploration emerging, one can end up feeling paralyzed. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">What stood out most to me was her list towards the end of the chapter of things she loves, “the frivolous things." This list was a privilege to read as it can be almost embarrassing to admit what we like. It feels silly or immature or superficial. Reading her list opened up this little crack of light inside of me, encouraging me to explore what it might be shining on. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">So that night before bed, with a police search helicopter above my apartment, all my doors locked and dead bolted and locked again, and with little Lenny curled up in a fuzzy ball next to me, I began my own list. The list of what I love. I wrote it in my journal and laid it by my nightstand and slept soundly. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">I woke up the next morning and felt a little silly because that worked. My nerves were calmed because I spent some time thinking about what I loved before I drifted off to sleep. It was such a free and un-filtered list. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">You know how lists can be rather rigid? Like if it’s a list about your hobbies, you need to have a couple of exercise hobbies or people will think you’re lazy and if you have a cooking list, you need some healthy choices or people will wonder about your nutrition, and if you have a list about favorite books, for heaven’s sake include some intellectual research based books! </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">But this list was mine. I felt no pressure to include a fictitious love of dumb bells or Shakespeare or apples. Still I was a little weirded out that I kept coming back to the list the next few days, adding things here and there and smiling to myself when I thought of my frivolous list. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">My list became a place of exhale and I couldn’t even understand why. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">Why on earth would thoughts of fancy coffee, and pink nail polish, Washi tape and cucumber water help me sleep?! After all the definition of frivolous is not very dignified. It means silly, trifling, empty, worthless, of little weight or importance…” </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">Leeana writes: <i>“It’s our worst fear to be unworthy of serious attention. Until one day we realize how exhausting it is to strive so relentlessly. We hear God’s whisper: ‘Leeana, what if you stopped trying to be so worthy? What if you stopped focusing on your relevance? What if you stopped trying to secure your own meaningfulness?”</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">This really struck me as it feels like my entire decade of my 20’s was spent in some ways hustling to be taken seriously, to do something meaningful, to be worthy of serious attention. The 20’s can be a tumultuous decade in so many ways, graduating college, entering a career, figuring out relationships, wondering who is behind and who is ahead. I went straight from my bachelors into graduate school and I longed to be taken seriously. I wanted to be seen as academic but felt like my snide and humorous remarks were the best I had to offer. As a women, I felt like I was seen as just a "dumb blonde" who was fun but not intellectual. It felt like I couldn’t be frivolous and deep. I couldn’t do something meaningful and then do something entirely ridiculous. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #373e4d; font-size: medium;">Of course this kind of black and white thinking would make anyone a little on edge and anxious having to perform so much. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">Leeana talks about “<i>getting lost in the garden</i>” God has given us. That we can <i>“go to the studio of our soul”</i> to create, explore, play, and be silly. This is a garden where I am loved as I am and don’t have to produce or create for an outcome. This garden of colors and resources and beauty that is mine to play with. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">In this garden you can, </span><span style="color: #373e4d;">“</span><span style="color: #373e4d;"><i>Run toward what you love with unapologetic abandon."</i> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">I’m an oldest child so being taken seriously comes with the territory. I was responsible, conscientious and deep. But I was also creative but didn’t realize it. I was also witty but didn’t know that either. Growing up my family was thrifty and amazing at saving so going out to eat was novel and renting a movie and having popcorn was like the celebration of the century (okay I exaggerate but you underestimate my love of popcorn). </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">Naturally I grew up to be a very good saver but unfortunately had a nasty guilt complex every time I bought something I didn’t necessarily need, but just wanted. But here’s the thing I can be both a good saver and also buy something I like, something frivolous. I can be both witty and watch silly sitcoms and be a deep thinker. I can be creative and still love browsing Target for things that are already created. Enjoying things doesn’t make me a superficial person. It makes me a human who is alive with a vibrant heart beat. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"> We get to love what we love you guys. We don’t have to justify or downplay our stunning souls. Our souls are deep and wide. It has plenty of room for ALL the good stuff. The deep serious stuff and the frivolous fun stuff.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">Maybe there's something you love but have inwardly rejected because it feels too meaningless and trivial. Maybe you can relate to wanting to be taken seriously and so have pretended part of your soul isn't there. But what's the worst that could happen if you risked making this list? Maybe you'll even sleep better. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">So here is my list of the </span><span style="color: #373e4d;">frivolous</span><span style="color: #373e4d;"> things that I actually and unashamedly very much enjoy. You know I want to know what's on yours!</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d; font-size: medium;"><b>Heather's Frivolous List:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Pillows</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Essie nail polish</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Gilmore Girls</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Fancy wrapping paper</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">A novel with a cheesy happy ending</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">The smell of lavender</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Sharpie fine point pens</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Mud masks</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Dusk in the summer</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Fancy matches</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Words</span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Buying more than one bottle of wine at a time</span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Soft blankets</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Hair ties and headbands*</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Humor</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Cucumber Water</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Washi tape</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">The smell of new clothes</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Scott’s homemade macaroni and cheese </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #373e4d;">Cold brew lattes</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d; font-size: medium;">Pedicures </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;">*Aka my thoughts about a specific chapter in a book. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #373e4d;">**It’s the weirdest thing but buying hair stuff induces a weird sense of guilt in me like I should wrap my hair in braids with the yarn lying around my house (there is no yarn) Yesterday I bought headbands and all I could think was “this is so naughty, I am so bad, I am buying a pack of headbands for 5.99 to keep my bangs out of my face…how could you?!! How dare you?! Hence my need to write this blog. </span></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5138468854868744169.post-46645950041071494272016-09-23T12:22:00.002-07:002016-09-23T12:26:43.425-07:00Blog-Tember Day 23 | Family Recipe<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">Today's Prompt: A Family Recipe. </span></b></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So I don't cook or bake a lot. But when I get up the courage and energy to do so it's often to make cookies. (and by often I mean twice a year). Thankfully I am blecky (blessed + lucky) enough to be surrounded by a husband, family (my mom, grandmas )and friends who genuinely enjoy it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is my "go-to" cookies recipe from my mom and her sisters. Whenever I go home or visit my aunts they make these chocolate-chip cookies. I've tried to like other cookies but nothing beats these. I have such nostalgic memories of big rain and thunderstorms growing up and my mom baking these cookies. She would let my sisters and I each have a spoon full of cookie dough and I would savor it's richness so much. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and crave these. (this is weird because I really don't crave desert in the morning).</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway before I got married my mom gave me a special family cook book full of traditions and recipes from the kitchen of all our friends and families. My mom included her sister's favorites recipes, my grandma Moot's holiday fruit cake, my grandma J's carmel popcorn and my mother-in-law's tostadas. Even though I don't spending time creating food in the kitchen much, I am in love with this cook book rich with meaning and memories. And thankfully the recipes are pretty simple because my mom knows me well :)</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig7hQ4nlj4hQ5iNZkWn-dzFk-wMu5X2iBIuGZhcClOp8OqqKwvMQiAFOH_W46nDhh-rbMtonJe0A6vS_f2sY1PJjcznBkRCvdjXc3y4RUrqK7WHn99uNDH-LhFFPGSfFinbWCU9fSbs8nB/s640/blogger-image--2065602247.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig7hQ4nlj4hQ5iNZkWn-dzFk-wMu5X2iBIuGZhcClOp8OqqKwvMQiAFOH_W46nDhh-rbMtonJe0A6vS_f2sY1PJjcznBkRCvdjXc3y4RUrqK7WHn99uNDH-LhFFPGSfFinbWCU9fSbs8nB/s640/blogger-image--2065602247.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Chocolate-Chip Cookies</span></b><br />
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<u><span style="font-size: large;">Ingredients:</span></u><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">1 cup butter</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1 cup sugar</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1 cup brown sugar</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2 eggs</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1 tsp vanilla</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2 cups flour</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2 1/2 cups oatmeal (blend first)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1/2 tsp salt</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1 tsp baking powder</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1 tsp baking soda</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">24 oz bag of chocolate-chips*</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">8 oz Hershey bar</span><br />
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<u><span style="font-size: large;">Directions:</span></u><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Mix all ingredients and add bag of chocolate chips and grated Hershey bar.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Place on ungreased cookie sheet 2 inches apart. (golf ball size)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Bake @ 375 for 6 minutes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And there you have it! Amazing cookies for days! This recipe makes about 112 cookies so be sure to share with friends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What's your favorite family recipe?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">*No chocolate-chips were harmed in the production of this blog but some were eaten. </span></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17146959036685280439noreply@blogger.com1