Tuesday, August 26, 2014

No buying iced lattes and why I'm going to lose it (Including 16 reasons to go to Dark Horse)

 I recently looked at our finances which turned out to be the worst, okay maybe a good decision. This is when I realized that Scott and I had to work at cutting out a few of our most beloved favorites. I made up a budget to show Scott for when he came home from work.
Numbers don’t lie. I really wish they would. I want them to be abstract like art and in their meaning. But really, they just mean what they say. Since we are now what I am calling local missionaries or stateside missionaries I realized there were some things we just had to cut out (things we want but don’t necessarily need)
  1.      Buying coffee like lattes, cappuccinos, cold brew, pumpkin spice deliciousness
  2.      Buying clothes
  3.      Buying candles (yes this deserves it’s own category)

 I am simultaneously crying and screaming inside. I really want to tell you this is all for a virtuous reason. It’s for lent. It’s cause Scott and I are godly and want to simplify our life. I want to be noble and classy about the whole thing. I can’t though. I just feel like my insides are screeching and clawing. I feel cagey. I want to be cool and zen about the whole experience like what I would assume a true yogi is. (oh yeah no spending money on yoga classes either) I want to spend money. That is the truth.

I adore shopping. When I met my “friend,” Shopping, I found a great vice and anti-anxiety practice. I found adrenaline rush and release. I found fashion and ideas for creativity. Without my shopping for clothing entertainment I assume I will find my obsession somewhere between mommy blogs or making lists. I love both those things and they are in fact, free.

 Don’t even get me started on how it’s fall and the pumpkins will be out along with my pumpkin spice latte. Yes, mine. I founded it. Fall is only my FAVORITE time of year. It’s full of leggings and boots and scarves and the aroma of all things spice and everything is nice. No candles! How will I survive!? I know you probably think I am exaggerating my emotions on here but I’m really not. Candles are like my self-care. They are my practice. I don’t know how to do life without them.

 Now for Dark Horse. For those of you who don’t know (you terribly deprived people) It’s an ever-expanding and growing quaint coffee shop that locally roasts, brews and hand crafts coffee for you personally. I don’t even know how to begin this grieving period. September has not even begun and I have entered the mourning period. Scott and I had our last Dark Horse today right before we sped off to church. We both felt sad about our last day but would have felt even more sad without saying goodbye. I am extremely embarrassed at my lack of discipline when it comes to Dark Horse. But for the love of God, they brew their coffee beans outside our back door every.single.day. That smells gets me every time. It is like an extension to our home. All the best things happen there: dates with Scott, I read, I write, I meet with friends. I make new friends. I write letters. Scott and I play backgammon there. Besides all my memories there cold brew is A GIFT. My body pain leaves when I have their coffee, my mood improves, and suddenly my life is splendid indeed. Scott and I try and try to be more disciplined and make goals for ourselves such as we can only go once individually and once together this week, but really this is what ends up happening:

I needed to study somewhere so I went to Dark Horse
I had a horrible migraine when I woke up so I had to get some caffeine
I had a bad day so I went to Dark Horse
I had a bad night so I went to Dark Horse
We want to play a game, let’s go to Dark Horse
I saw a spider so I went to Dark Horse
I went to Dark Horse to borrow a power drill
I am meeting with (insert friend’s name here) at Dark Horse
It’s my birthday so I went to Dark Horse
It’s your birthday so we are going to Dark Horse
It’s a holiday so we are going to Dark Horse
I am lonely so I went to Dark Horse
I got locked out of our house so I went to Dark Horse
We are having a morning date so let’s go to Dark Horse
I was bored so I went to Dark Horse
I am alive so I went to Dark Horse

Awww yes Dark Horse Coffee Roasters, you are a dream. You are the reason why Scott and I can never leave this neighborhood. We are too attached to your presence and your exquisite coffee. Last night Scott and I stayed up late and counted up the change in our blue piggy bank. 10.29. What up. We can now go to Dark Horse together once this month. Yes I can do hard things.


  1. Oh my friend... You will get through this. You can. You must. I will be praying for you as you clutch to your pocketbook a little tighter.

  2. After having Dark Horse coffee, I understand why this is so hard! I'm very thankful there isn't a Dark Horse right outside my back door. I also understand the candles, especially in the FALL. But I'm proud of you! You can do it! And now when you need to shop/ go to Dark Horse, it'll be all the sweeter :)

  3. You can do hard things because this hard thing (or series of hard things!) will take you forward to much, much better things and a much, much brighter future!

  4. P.S. Had to laugh: the word verification my comment above was 'itsshit'.......right, will stop freaking you out by leaving so many comments now...

    1. Hahahahah!!! "itsshit". Hard things do feel like shit sometimes!