Last Day Of Blog-Tember | My Advice.

It's our last day of Bailey's Blog-Tember Challenge! Congrats to all of us! I'm sad it's ending. I look forward every September to this writing challenge. I meet so many wonderful fellow bloggers who are so encouraging and inspiring. But this prompt is especially fun so let's get to it! 

Today's Prompt:  Picture this, you've been stopped on the street by the photographer of Humans of New York, and he asks, "What advice would you give to a large group of people?" Share a picture of yourself along with the advice. 

External Self (how I would like you to see me)                                           Internal Self (what I don't want you to see)

I'm going to give some advice that I need to hear on a regular basis. Here it is:

Don't judge or compare your inside with someone's outside. 

In other words, we are so quick to compare ourselves to others highlight reel. We see all those airbrushed, edited, face-tuned photos and wonder what is wrong with us. We see others work-full time, raise children and manage to volunteer and immediately we begin to turn on ourselves and berate ourselves for not doing it all. We shrink when we compare. We determine our inner worth based off of everyone else's outer appearance, accomplishments or achievements. 

We intuitively know this is not true but we FEEL that it is. 

For so many years I would look at others as a barometer to remind myself that I can and SHOULD be doing all of these things. I would constantly criticize myself and wonder why am I so tired after work? How come they can work full time and have energy? How come they have the stamina for pinterest parties and baking from scratch? How on earth do they keep up with manicures and hair trims and eye-brow waxing and shaving when I can barely manage keeping up with my laundry and showering?! How do they manage the strength to lead a bible-study, lead a workshop and volunteer with the homeless?

And then there are deeper and more harsher comparisons. I bet they've never struggled with anxiety. I bet they've never felt so scared. They probably have a 4.0 GPA without even trying. They've probably never felt insecure. They're so much stronger. They don't know what it's like to suffer or lose someone they love. They've probably never been really tempted to lie, steal and cheat. Their friends are always there for them. Their toes are always painted and they've never struggled with addictions. And they own a home and have published 5 books and they are only 25.

But here's the truth;

We all have a bit of a mess inside. 

You know why I know?

Because we're human. 

And yet we are still so beautiful, special, competent, courageous, capable and worthy even if we are a hot mess. 

Today I smile a little when someone presents me with a perfect image because I know that's not the whole truth. It's not the entire story of who they are. I know that we only put out what we think the world will accept. I know that we are scared and so we don't show our most authentic selves. 

So when I come across someone who is working so SO hard to cover up the real version of her/himself I have a little more compassion. They are not fooling anyone but I understand the need to hide behind perfection. It often feels safer from a harsh and critical world. 

If being a therapist has taught me anything it's that we are all seeking similar things; love, belonging and connection. And that no one has the whole "life thing" down perfectly. In the past four years I have seen a lot of different clients and let me tell you something, you would never know from just looking at some of them that they are struggling. And even some of my closest friends, you would never know. Because they appear smart, successful, competent and are all gorgeous (in my humble opinion #friendbrag) and they are all of those things AND they struggle just like everyone else. 

No one actually skips or prances through life without feeling lost, alone, confused or scared at some point or another. It just doesn't happen. 

So next time you're tempted to compare your inner world with someone else's outer world remind yourself that you don't know the whole story behind that person's highlight reel. But you know your story and I bet there are moments of happiness, pain, love, confusion and strength scattered throughout your precious story. Own that story and hold your head high. You are a gem.

 Or you can always just look back up at my pictures to have a good laugh because what we see externally isn't always what is going on internally (aka inside I am fuzzy, sweating, nervous and terrified of my exam AND I am still capable, competent and courageous) 

Blog-Tember day 29 | Top Five Blogs

Better late than never right?! I'm just minutes before midnight but I'm going to make it! I can't wait for my licensure exam to be over so I can go back and read all of the last couple prompts from all my blogging friends out there! 

Today's Prompt: Your Fab Five. Share Your Favorite Bloggers:

Glennon Doyle Melton

Her blog is fantastic. I've read both her books, Carry on Warrior and Love Warrior and they are both amazing. She is such a courageous truth teller. She reminds me that rock bottom is not the worst thing to experience and that we are not alone. 

Rosie's Cottage

I love Rosie's blog! She writes about books, home organization, cooking, her sweet hubby and sweet baby, Jade. She battles so much chronic pain and still manages to be so generous and kind to those around her. She is a gem and the sweetest soul. I always feel right at home when I visit her blog. 

Rachel Held Evans

Rachel's blog always makes me think! She writes about theology, gender roles,feminism, politics and other controversial subjects in the faith community. I love her ability to think outside the box and challenge ways of thinking that are harmful. 

Krysti Wilkinson

 Krysti is my fellow book lover, feminist, investigator and friend. She writes about her thoughts on life, faith and passion. She writes with wit, sass and integrity (all things that I adore). 

Leeana Tankersley

Leanna's beautiful words and stories inspire me. She has written Found Art, Breathing Room and Brazen; of which I have read and loved. 

Blog-Tember Day 28 | Top Five

Today's Prompt: The Top 5 Pictures That Illustrate Your Year So Far!

Lots and lots of studying for my licensure exam. Seven months of studying and only 7 days left!

Getting our first puppy! I can't believe it's only been since March that we welcomed our amazing and fuzzy little guy into our home. We are crazy about him. 

Lots and lots of travel this year to visit both our families, weddings, bachelorette parties and work related travel (including Disney World, Minnesota and Lost Canyon Camp!) 

Big life events for so many of my good friends including being a bridesmaid in a wedding and becoming a godmother to the sweetest baby girl! (As of yesterday)

Last but not least my amazing and fierce mother-in-law was diagnosed with uterine cancer this year shortly after Mother's Day. It was a very scary time for everyone. She's been through surgery and radiation and so many ups and downs. But this month she was declared cancer free and we are so very grateful!!!

Blog-Tember Day 27 | Laughing and Crying

I am becoming painfully slow at getting my prompts out in a timely manner as my state exam looms closer and closer. Only 6 days left! Today was my final mock exam and for the rest of the week I'll be reviewing and studying all the material. I can't wait for it to be done! Naturally it was good to think about the last time I laughed.

Today's Prompt: Something that made you laugh or cry recently. It could be a video, a picture, a post, a memory, anything that moved you. 

I love humor and comedy so much. These two videos made Scott and I laugh so much. No matter what your views are politically I'm sure you'll find a couple things pretty humorous about the videos below. :)

LAUGH.

LAUGH SOME MORE.

AND CRY.

I really struggle to cry at appropriate moments you guys. I've never been the type to cry through a wedding or a chick flick or during a graduation. I don't cry in hospitals or at baby showers or at anniversaries. Sometimes I really wish the tears would just form. I couldn't even cry when Scott proposed! I become emotionally constipated for some reason during big major life events.

This isn't to say I don't cry! I totally do. It's just during times when I feel deeply and intensely and my feelings get stuck inside of me.

I also am known to laugh when it's very VERY serious. Sometimes I'll laugh so hard I'll cry. And usually I'm glad I look like I'm crying because it's very embarrassing to be laughing so hard during a church service or a business meeting.

What has made you laugh and cry recently?

Blog-Tember Day 25 | A Brazen Book Review*

Okay I skipped yesterday mainly because I couldn't think of anything I've re-created to be quite honest. That either means I've been studying too much or what I do re-create ends up being less-than-pinterest-worthy. This past summer I tried this DIY coffee scrub and it looked awesome in theory but was awful in execution. (Little tiny brown crumbs ALL over my body and hair after I showered.) So no, I wasn't going to refer you to such an experience! 

Today's Prompt: Review Something! A place, a book, a service, a product. Anything at all!

I've read SO many good books this year but wanted to share one book (really one chapter with you. I really loved called Brazen, the Courage To Find The You That's Been Hiding by Leeana Tankersley. The book is about shame and freedom and what keeps our nose to the ground and what helps us breathe deeper. I wrote it a couple months ago and wanted to share this as my book review my personal thoughts on one chapter. :)

________________________________

Sometimes I get a little “buzzy” as I like to call it. I don’t mean the buzz from a glass of wine or even the buzz from a cup of coffee. I mean the brain buzz. And generally my buzzy buzzard self emerges when I’m feeling vulnerable, a little on edge and well…holding my breath. 

Scott left this past week for his grandfather’s memorial service in Colorado. Since I had never met his grandfather, I stayed back with Lenny our puppy. The first night I awoke around 1:30 am from horrible nightmares so the second night alone I had to do something before bed to calm myself. (other than the obvious: have Lenny sleep in the bed with me). 

I decided to read the next chapter in the book I’m currently reading right now called Brazen by Leeana Tankersley. I spoke briefly about it in my last blog  but it’s all about finding our true selves, living without shame, reclaiming our voice and living from a place of worthiness and becoming. She talked about how she has this desire to be creative and expressive but often is feels frivolous. This feeling stunts the creative process and rather than exploration emerging, one can end up feeling paralyzed. 

What stood out most to me was her list towards the end of the chapter of things she loves, “the frivolous things." This list was a privilege to read as it can be almost embarrassing to admit what we like. It feels silly or immature or superficial. Reading her list opened up this little crack of light inside of me, encouraging me to explore what it might be shining on. 

So that night before bed, with a police search helicopter above my apartment, all my doors locked and dead bolted and locked again, and with little Lenny curled up in a fuzzy ball next to me, I began my own list. The list of what I love. I wrote it in my journal and laid it by my nightstand and slept soundly. 

I woke up the next morning and felt a little silly because that worked. My nerves were calmed because I spent some time thinking about what I loved before I drifted off to sleep. It was such a free and un-filtered list. 

You know how lists can be rather rigid? Like if it’s a list about your hobbies, you need to have a couple of exercise hobbies or people will think you’re lazy and if you have a cooking list, you need some healthy choices or people will wonder about your nutrition, and if you have a list about favorite books, for heaven’s sake include some intellectual research based books! 

But this list was mine. I felt no pressure to include a fictitious love of dumb bells or Shakespeare or apples. Still I was a little weirded out that I kept coming back to the list the next few days, adding things here and there and smiling to myself when I thought of my frivolous list. 

My list became a place of exhale and I couldn’t even understand why. 

Why on earth would thoughts of fancy coffee, and pink nail polish, Washi tape and cucumber water help me sleep?! After all the definition of frivolous is not very dignified. It means silly, trifling, empty, worthless, of little weight or importance…” 

Leeana writes: “It’s our worst fear to be unworthy of serious attention. Until one day we realize how exhausting it is to strive so relentlessly. We hear God’s whisper: ‘Leeana, what if you stopped trying to be so worthy? What if you stopped focusing on your relevance? What if you stopped trying to secure your own meaningfulness?”

This really struck me as it feels like my entire decade of my 20’s was spent in some ways hustling to be taken seriously, to do something meaningful, to be worthy of serious attention. The 20’s can be a tumultuous decade in so many ways, graduating college, entering a career, figuring out relationships, wondering who is behind and who is ahead. I went straight from my bachelors into graduate school and I longed to be taken seriously. I wanted to be seen as academic but felt like my snide and humorous remarks were the best I had to offer. As a women, I felt like I was seen as just a "dumb blonde" who was fun but not intellectual. It felt like I couldn’t be frivolous and deep. I couldn’t do something meaningful and then do something entirely ridiculous. 

Of course this kind of black and white thinking would make anyone a little on edge and anxious having to perform so much. 

Leeana talks about “getting lost in the garden” God has given us. That we can “go to the studio of our soul” to create, explore, play, and be silly. This is a garden where I am loved as I am and don’t have to produce or create for an outcome. This garden of colors and resources and beauty that is mine to play with. 

In this garden you can, “Run toward what you love with unapologetic abandon." 

I’m an oldest child so being taken seriously comes with the territory. I was responsible, conscientious and deep. But I was also creative but didn’t realize it. I was also witty but didn’t know that either. Growing up my family was thrifty and amazing at saving so going out to eat was novel and renting a movie and having popcorn was like the celebration of the century (okay I exaggerate but you underestimate my love of popcorn). 

Naturally I grew up to be a very good saver but unfortunately had a nasty guilt complex every time I bought something I didn’t necessarily need, but just wanted. But here’s the thing I can be both a good saver and also buy something I like, something frivolous. I can be both witty and watch silly sitcoms and be a deep thinker. I can be creative and still love browsing Target for things that are already created. Enjoying things doesn’t make me a superficial person. It makes me a human who is alive with a vibrant heart beat. 

 We get to love what we love you guys. We don’t have to justify or downplay our stunning souls. Our souls are deep and wide. It has plenty of room for ALL the good stuff. The deep serious stuff and the frivolous fun stuff.

Maybe there's something you love but have inwardly rejected because it feels too meaningless and trivial. Maybe you can relate to wanting to be taken seriously and so have pretended part of your soul isn't there. But what's the worst that could happen if you risked making this list? Maybe you'll even sleep better. 

So here is my list of the frivolous things that I actually and unashamedly very much enjoy. You know I want to know what's on yours!

Heather's Frivolous List:

Pillows

Essie nail polish

Gilmore Girls

Fancy wrapping paper

A novel with a cheesy happy ending

The smell of lavender

Sharpie fine point pens

Mud masks

Dusk in the summer

Fancy matches

Words

Buying more than one bottle of wine at a time

Soft blankets

Hair ties and headbands*

Humor

Cucumber Water

Washi tape

The smell of new clothes

Scott’s homemade macaroni and cheese 

Cold brew lattes

Pedicures 

*Aka my thoughts about a specific chapter in a book. 

**It’s the weirdest thing but buying hair stuff induces a weird sense of guilt in me like I should wrap my hair in braids with the yarn lying around my house (there is no yarn) Yesterday I bought headbands and all I could think was “this is so naughty, I am so bad, I am buying a pack of headbands for 5.99 to keep my bangs out of my face…how could you?!! How dare you?! Hence my need to write this blog.  

Blog-Tember Day 23 | Family Recipe

Today's Prompt: A Family Recipe. 

So I don't cook or bake a lot. But when I get up the courage and energy to do so it's often to make cookies. (and by often I mean twice a year). Thankfully I am blecky (blessed + lucky) enough to be surrounded by a husband, family (my mom, grandmas )and friends who genuinely enjoy it.

This is my "go-to" cookies recipe from my mom and her sisters. Whenever I go home or visit my aunts they make these chocolate-chip cookies. I've tried to like other cookies but nothing beats these. I have such nostalgic memories of big rain and thunderstorms growing up and my mom baking these cookies. She would let my sisters and I each have a spoon full of cookie dough and I would savor it's richness so much. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and crave these. (this is weird because I really don't crave desert in the morning).

Anyway before I got married my mom gave me a special family cook book full of traditions and recipes from the kitchen of all our friends and families. My mom included her sister's favorites recipes, my grandma Moot's holiday fruit cake, my grandma J's carmel popcorn and my mother-in-law's tostadas. Even though I don't spending time creating food in the kitchen much,  I am in love with this cook book rich with meaning and memories. And thankfully the recipes are pretty simple because my mom knows me well :)

Chocolate-Chip Cookies

Ingredients:

1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
2 1/2 cups oatmeal (blend first)
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
24 oz bag of chocolate-chips*
8 oz Hershey bar

Directions:

Mix all ingredients and add bag of chocolate chips and grated Hershey bar.
Place on ungreased cookie sheet 2 inches apart. (golf ball size)
Bake @ 375 for 6 minutes.

And there you have it! Amazing cookies for days! This recipe makes about 112 cookies so be sure to share with friends.

What's your favorite family recipe?

*No chocolate-chips were harmed in the production of this blog but some were eaten. 

Blog-Temper Day 22 | Hello Fall!

I am a bit late to getting this posted! Today I had to take a 4 hours timed mock exam as I continue the steep climb to being a licensed therapist. It was mind-numbing and terribly long. I felt completely brain dead and deprived of any intellectual ability (even a blog as cheery as this!) So I took my pup to the beach for some fresh air and now I feel renewed and ready to form sentences again. :)

Every year I look forward to this prompt! I love talking about fall! Seasons as in my blood as a midwest girl but living in San Diego has made me keen on observing even the smallest changes in the weather. I am sad that next week we are schedule for 90 degree weather. #ugh. But it won't stop me from celebrating this season. 

Today's Prompt: Fall Favorites. Share your must-haves for the season. 

FALL FAVORITES:

Fall greeting cards, chocolate-chip pumpkin muffins, crunchy leaves

Leggings, scarves, boots, fireplaces.

Empty beaches, rainy days, pumpkin spice everything.

Savory soups, Thanksgiving, Hallmark movies.

Apple cider, being warm and cozy, grinning pumpkins.

My birthday, anticipation of holidays, new planners.

Fall scented candles, celebrating with friends, more popcorn. 

What about fall is your favorite?