Blog-Tember Day 16 | My Top 9 Self-Care Practices

Today's Prompt: How you de-stress/take care of yourself?

I absolutely love this prompt! If you know me you know how much I advocate for self-care. It's something I'm always assessing for in my clients. I think everyone can benefit from it but I do believe that the more chronic stress you're under (and especially if you've experienced trauma) the more necessary it is. I do not think self-care is a luxury only the wealthy and privileged should experience; I think everyone needs to learn how to self-soothe and care for one's heart, mind and body in times of great stress.

Ignoring our needs has some pretty serious side effects such as sleep exhaustion, dehydration, malnutrition along with high levels of cortisol in the brain. Cortisol is considered the stress hormone. Unfortunately too much of it can cause all kinds of problems from lowering our immune systems, causing anxiety and depression. When the levels become bumped up, the adrenal glands become exhausted and we are at risk for Adrenal Fatigue among many other not-so-fun health problems.

I know that in a lot of cultures and communities it's considered selfish, indulgent and lazy to practice self-care but let me tell you something IT IS THE OPPOSITE. 

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Practicing self-care is one the most generous things you can do for your family, friends and world. 

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Rather than engaging in life from a self-depleted place you can bring your energized self because you've taken care of you. And if this isn't enough for you to consider and you like science and research, I'll let you know that mental health professionals recommend taking at least 20 minutes a day to incorporate some type of self-care. Since I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist, I am also considered a mental health professional (heheheh) and I would say if you've never done self-care start with 20 minutes but make your goal 30 minutes to 1 hour every day.  There are 24 hours in a day and we can certainly "sacrifice" an  hour to re-charge our batteries.

Okay enough about that! I need to talk about my 9 ways I take care of myself.

FLOWERS
Flowers just help. If I go wildflower picking I can breathe in fresh air and nature while exploring all the colors flowers have to offer. If I'm not near where wildflowers roam #hellourbanjungle I head to Trader Joes. For me, just having a vase of flowers in my house brightens my space.

YOGA AND DEEP BREATHING
Yes, I merged two self-care practices together but honestly yoga really helped me implement deep breathing into my every day life. If I'm feeling stressed or having lots of body pain I try to pick up a Gentle Yoga Class down the street at our local yoga studio. If I don't want to pay for it, I head on over to Yoga with Adriene and do one of the free videos she offers. She is so funny and knowledgeable.

PUPPY THERAPY
Since getting our puppy, Lenny I cannot imagine life without him. I remember fondly the days where I would go up to complete strangers in our neighborhood just to pet their dogs. I dog-sat all my friend's fuzzy friends as well. Now I'm so glad I have a funny little Lenny waiting for me whenever I get home. There is something so calming about watching him curl up in a ball, breathe deeply and fall fast asleep.

CREATIVITY
When I get my hands moving my stress level immediately goes down. Repetitive motions like knitting can actually decrease anxiety according to research. I don't knit but I do paint, color, create homemade cards and I LOVE washi tape. I love going to Target and finding a new colorful washi tape to create something fun with.

NATURE
Going out into nature is the big exhale for me. I grew up in the Midwest on 30 acres of land so getting outside into space is so innate for me. I love feeling the texture of leaves and feeling the breeze. I like the smell of the earth after a big rain. I love going to the beach when it's empty, cool and cloudy. I get so excited to watch the sunset with Scott and Lenny on the bay. I feel free when I sit in front of a Minnesota lake and watch it's serene glassy mirror look back at me. I love roaming and hiking through the woods in Yosemite where I feel completely infused with all the magic the forest holds. This summer I spent so much time in nature, and it filled me in a way that is really indescribable. As Emerson says, "Look deep in nature and then you will understand everything better". I may go my whole day unaware of God's presence but when I step into fresh air and inhale nature I am suddenly made aware. (Genesis 28:16 makes me think of this)

LIGHT
I am a light kind of girl and by that I mean bring me all the candles and night lights and moons and stars and twinkly things. Lighting candles is a way I self-soothe my stress. Right now I have a little pumpkin sitting happily on my bookshelf. It only took one little battery and now I have a cozy Jack-o-Lantern grinning at me. I love finding soft mood lighting and holiday themed night lights. I adore paper lanterns. lamp posts and white lights wrapped around palm trees.

PLANNING SELF-CARE
This year I picked up a gold polka-dot planner that I'm frankly quite obsessed with. #thanksamazonprime Planners help me schedule in self-care time. Sometimes when it's so busy and chaotic it's overwhelming to squeeze one more thing BUT I know that this one thing will help me manage the busy and chaos so much better. I schedule deep tissue massages or just block out an hour to get a pedicure or head to Target to browse. I schedule my girl time+ friend time+ date nights because in the midst of too much to do and chronic hustle I want to make sure I'm making time for what really matters; my people.

READING
I mean you knew this was coming right?! Books are my happy place. Reading has been shown to lower your heart rate and reduce muscle tension! The act of visualization something else (especially when it's positive) can really benefit the whole person. I don't read horror books or dark depressing books because I don't think it would help me in the self-care category. I like reading self-help, marriage and family therapy, humor, children's literature, memoirs, and cheesy Christian fiction. #likereallycheesy

COFFEE
I know I know...the research does not bode well for me when it comes to de-stressing and caffeine. However it is part of my morning rhythm  that I savor so much. Read more about why not to give up your beloved coffee here.

That's all! What do you guys do for self-care? Can't wait to hear!

Naked Face

I have made it to day eleven doing #30daysnomakeup. I have been so inspired by the founders beautiful and authentic blog encouraging me along the way. They put this quote on their 30 Days No Make-Up Blog that really sat with me.

“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”

– Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart

This whole campaign has caused me to leave my ignorance behind and face myself with courage and respect. Some days my courage is small and more in the mustard seed genre, however think those are the days were I really grow. 

For Thanksgiving week I have been spending time with my husband's family in northern California. We are amidst the tall trees and cooler temperatures. As I write this I am surrounding by family and a cozy cracking fire in the fireplace.  I am really grateful to have kind and accepting in-laws. My mother-in-law totally supports me in my campaign and reminds me how beautiful I am even without the make-up. She skips the cosmetic ads on the TV because she knows how much I miss my make-up. It hasn't been as hard here. I don't have to go to work and feel the pressure to be on make-up. There isn't a lot of need to check the mirror here. We do other things like read books, make homemade food, go on walks and go shopping together for a 20 pound turkey at the farmer's market. We have quiet mornings of sleeping in and coffee. Here I feel like I can be a bit more gentle with myself and my face. (even though I have somehow created a monster zit right under my eyebrow: driving me nuts) 

Early this weekend though Scott and I were invited to a fancy exclusive club by his sweet and extravagant grandparents for dinner. There was a dress code: guys in suits and gals in dresses. We were not allowed to look at our phones. There was multiple courses and the wine flowed. The powder room was filled with women re-applying their make-up, hair spray and gloss. I was literally afraid I would be kicked out for not wearing make-up. I ran into a woman who "snuck" into the bathroom to check her phone so she could see if her kids were okay at home. She said it was her first time at the club. I said it was mine too and I shared about my campaign and how nervous I was. She was so inspired by this campaign and talked about how she chose not to wear make-up one day and that the world sees her real face now. I can't say I will give up make-up for all eternity but it certainly made me think. 

There is something intrinsically courageous as well as respectful and gentle to one's self to bare your real face to the world. Initially I thought, Is this disrespectful?! People don't want to see my real face! It's like I'm imposing my face on the public! But the more I think about it the more I realize how much it's an act of self-love. It takes a lot of guts as well as a TON of self-compassion to do this. I have to be on my side to do this and it's so much easier said than done. I can be very hostile to myself. I feel like this process is helping me be more gentle with me and in turn, more gentle with those around me. This Thanksgiving I am grateful for having people around me who encourage me and are kind to my face even when I snarl at it in the mirror. Besides no one needs lipgloss to fully engage one's senses in eating turkey! (or tons of mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and STUFFING) 

31 days of Self-Care days 5 & 6

Since I missed yesterday I thought I would talk about two ways I took care of myself today. Monday is a hard day for me. It means the weekend is over. I have to go back to work. I have to get up early. Somehow I start off Monday already feeling behind.

One thing I have started scheduling on Monday after work once or twice a month is a massage. GREAT DECISION. This helps me look forward to my Mondays. I found a way to make it cost effective by finding a great deal on Groupon and I buy them in packages so they aren’t as expensive AND I can plan them and look forward to them since I have already essentially paid for the massage.

My massage therapist is amazing. She is tiny in physique but not in strength. My muscles are extremely tight and she is thankfully really strong. She does aromatherapy and deep tissue. Today I had my massage and was just so thankful to have time to relax. She used lavender and peppermint to help me breathe deeper. I decided it would be a good opportunity to practice gratitude so I mentally took notes of the things I was thankful for today:

1. My massage therapist
2. Large pumpkins
3. I finished all my progress notes!
4. Scott
5. My clinical supervisor
6. Compassion
7. A home that makes me feel safe
8. Prosciutto
9. My friends that host and invite me into the intimate details of their life
10. The sound of a fan

I felt like with each passing breath I was creating more room for joy as I thought of all I am grateful for. The list could go on and on but sometimes I like to sit on a couple things I am really thankful for. I want to be present with my joy and not race to the next thing on my list.  Gratitude and massage therapy are two ways I practiced self-care today. What are you grateful for this Monday?

31 days of Self-Care day 4

Alone time.

Tonight I am having some soul space.

Initially I felt guilty turning my friends down on dinner and fall festive plans.  But my friend reminded me how much it sense it makes that I would want to stay home. She totally understood my need to be a bum. After a week of appointments, deadlines and meetings I just needed to spend some time with myself.

Every time I take the Myers Briggs Test (even type 2) I come out as an extrovert. Maybe I am a low functioning extrovert or maybe it’s actually just healthy to cultivate alone time regularly. (hint: it is). Still I am usually confused with myself. But when I took the more in-depth Myers Briggs test I realized that I was a reflecting and intimate extrovert. Meaning I like to sit around and journal and read and think. AND I also like hanging out with small groups of people because I value depth and quality over quantity.

Don’t get me wrong though. Those big parties still bring me a lot of energy and excitement. Just when I am building in enthusiasm and volume of tone at a party, Scott is just wishing he could hide in a corner…or go home. If anyone has taught me that it’s okay to be alone or spend time with just one person, it’s my husband, Scott. He could spend an entire day alone and be thrilled. I would be bored by the end of the day. However I have learned to really enjoy my alone time. 

It wasn’t always like this. I used to fear being alone. Facing my anxiety and fear head on was really hard and often being alone made me feeling very vulnerable. My therapist has helped me see I am not so scary to be with. I am actually quite enjoyable. There is no reason to run from myself. The more comfortable I am with myself the more I cherish my alone time.

Tonight Scott is closing at the Coffee Bean so I took full advantage of my alone time. I baked some chicken and had some kale. I wrote a letter to my best friend from my childhood. I boiled some water for tea. I lit some candles. I arranged my pumpkins and gourds into a center piece for our coffee table (aka trunk) I may have found myself roaming at Target. I cannot confirm or deny if I came home with some exciting prizes for myself. I called a couple of my close friends I haven’t caught up with in awhile.  Next phase of alone time might involve reading some Real Simple or Kinfolk or playing some candy crush. On that notes I might find some chocolate to eat. I will invite Jesus into my pumpkin spice aroma, candle burning, chocolate munching, quiet, calm time tonight.

Alone time is self-care time for me.