Pale…(aka you must be ill)

I’ve been thinking about how enmeshed we are as a culture. We are not differentiated. If I look different than you, that makes me anxious. If you look different than me, that makes you sad. Stay with me.

After reading through Darling I found interesting facts…

"According to the New York Times Iran has become the nose job capital of the world in recent years as a large population of women shed their distinctly Persian profile for a ‘Western nose’

The most requested surgery in Korea is the double eyelid surgery so as to accomplish the round, wide eyed look.

Apparently in the Phillippines, it is estimated that four in 10 women use whitening agents on their traditionally darker skin…"

But in America, you know the drill, everyone is running to the tanning beds come winter and act like it’s a crime if you haven’t been tanning for months before your wedding. You have to look your MOST beautiful (which does NOT include fair skin) In American, Botox abounds as white women adopt more voluptuous lips often found across the globe.

I’ve been recently thinking about what a shame it is that we don’t like what we have.  If we are thin, we want to be curvy. If we have curly hair, we want straight hair, if we have light skin, we want darker skin. The advertisers are having the most fun ever. Want straight hair? No problem. Buy straightening spray, a straightener, the shampoo that straightens, and on and on and on. You want smoother skin? Well there are one thousand different kinds of creams out there.  All you have to do is buy buy buy! That gym membership will make your thighs more narrow but make your butt more curvy. This pill will enlarge your breasts. This bra will make them more perky. These heels will make you taller. This foundation will cover your freckles and beauty marks (aka blemishes). After awhile I have to wonder if we are just in a mad rush to hide ourselves. The best we can do is camouflage ourselves and hope that we just look like everyone else. We hope to fade out of the picture and hide our true selves behind our latest and greatest fad. 

This is where creativity is stunted. How can we be beautiful without some diversity? I don't want to live in a world without color.I have been studying my ethnicity and it makes me sad to think I have been resentful of who I am and what I have been given. The Bachelor was sued for racial discrimination because it seems the same looking people are on the show season after season. And now finally they have Juan Pablo who is the first non-Caucasian Bachelor in franchise history (17 Bachelors to be exact) 

Why do we define our beauty by how similar we are to everyone? Why does everyone have to be the same size to be beautiful? Why do we have to be the same weight to be considered gorgeous? Why do we have to be this height to walk with confidence? Why this specific type of nose or these type of eyes to be considered pretty and attractive? I don't want us to go back to black and white television. I hope we have evolved to something much more vibrant and bold and colorful. As I studied my heritage and the physical characteristic and traits I began to realize that I don’t have to be someone else to be beautiful. I have always thought dark hair, dark eyes and dark skin are not only stunning but mysterious and to be envied. No matter how I “tanned” I would usually end up with a sun burn. I studied my German and Irish and Finnish and Norwegian roots and found to my surprise they have pale complexions, they are fair skinned, and they are what some would consider pale! I don’t want to reject who I am. I don’t want to look in the mirror and say, “sorry, not good enough…” I don’t need to look like what the magazines, the advertisers and the media deem beautiful.  They aren’t after my best, they are after my money and they are stealing my contentment. Rather I want to come from a place of gratitude about what I have been given.

Don’t get me wrong, I fall for the new lotions and make-up products as well as the latest trends in clothing. My hobby is shopping so you can imagine how much I am influenced by the media. But if I can learn to embrace my own creativity and my own look without having to blend into what “society” tells me is pretty, I will be the better for it.  Maybe we can spend our money not on the latest beauty products but on a massage to help us practice gratitude for our bodies and all that they do for us. Maybe we can spend our money on an experience like kayaking or wine tasting because life is so much more than how we look, it’s about what we can touch, taste and smell. We are sacred humans on a beautiful adventure.  I want to be differentiated. I want to know that I am enough just as I am. Then maybe I can celebrate the differences rather than resent them. 

Enchanting Spaces

I just love a blank white page.  It’s Saturday. I am outside enjoying the sunny afternoon. I took Scott’s bike out for a ride and headed to the Carmelite monastery. It is my favorite place to think and be. It makes me want to always live in this neighborhood. I take a street called Hawley until it ends. It becomes more and more quiet the further down you go. Everything is so colorful as you enter the monastery flower garden. Colors of purple, pink, red, yellow, orange and white flowers surround me. Green bushes are manicured to perfection, a little path winds around the garden. There is a bench to sit on in the middle and trees that blow lazily with the breeze. The steps are a dusty red color. It is truly an enchanting little place I discovered. The monastery is white and ornate and has white pillars. The wooden French doors are carved with different pictures of ink, feather and quill, books, moon, stars , the cross, fish, leaves and flowers.

This is a place where there is really nothing to do but be. It’s calm and tranquil. I feel closer to Mary here and I feel closer to God here too. Sometimes I imagine the sister nuns watching me from their windows about the garden and praying for me. That alone fills my heart with solace. Sometimes I imagine Jesus sitting with me or praying for me. Sometimes I imagine what I would say to Mary if she and I could have a chat. There is a life size statue of her inside the monastery. I think I would ask her if Jesus was safe, if I could trust the Divine. I might ask her if females are really included and if we really are important in the Kingdom. I might ask her how she approaches the Divine or the Anointed, how she talks to God. I feel like I can come here and peer at Jesus over Mary’s shoulder where it feels safe and secure.There are yellow butterflies bouncing around me as I sit on my bench overlooking the garden and all it’s mystery.

I am reminded to ask Jesus to help me stay grounded and centered in who I am, that I am enough. That I can let go of striving. That Jesus needs me to be me. I am thankful for the many voices in my life that affirm my healthy decisions and cheer me on.

When I walk around our neighborhood I am reminded of my Grandma Moot’s daily walks and how she noticed all the details. When I was a kid I remember thinking that she walked so slow. I wanted to speed though everything I did to get to the next great thing.  Now I understand her wisdom in a slow walk. She celebrated every little thing. I can heard birds chirping and I can see hummingbirds zooming past me. I want to be a person who lives in color and celebrates all the good little things, the person who keeps knocking to open the mysteries of life; I will keep seeking and finding a way to be at peace with me.

I think that beauty is...

Natalie Wise writes from Darling magazine writes, “My eyes are for seeing, not being seen, that they reflect the gray-green of the ocean tide or a stormy sky. And they can see when you need a hug and a smile... I think that beauty is the depth of a soul rising to the surface., in the upward lift of lips and corners of eyes when we smile, that hair turns gray because we have sent all of our color out into the world, and now, we are reflecting all of them again...” 

What a beautiful word.

My eyes are for seeing, not being seen

How to be beautiful is less about my make-up and hair products and more about just me. 

My nose is for inhaling the fresh scent of rain or the contagious smell of candles burning. My nose does not have to be a duplicate to be perfect. 

I am an original.

 My legs are not apart of me as just sex appeal, they allow me to walk, to bike, to do yoga, they allow me to walk towards you and not away from you.

 My face is not here to avoid wrinkles but to embrace smiles and laughter so that my eyes do squint out of sheer enjoyment.

I am more and more convinced that sexy is how I feel in my own skin. Being gorgeous is how I own and respect myself, being pretty is allowing myself to trust I am. Being beautiful is about influence and boldness and learning to give love so we can receive it well.

Being enough is already what I am. 

Being stunning is about knowing how intricately I was created. 

I am not afraid of me, of growing into a woman for I trust this process that being beautiful is about being dynamic inside and knowing I don’t have to hide on the outside

Oils are yummy #31days

Let me state the obvious: By October 31^st I will not have written for 31 days on self-care. That is okay though. I am learning self-compassion as I lean more into self-care. If I was extremely hard on myself and acted like this was another deadline in my life, that would be a little counterintuitive right?

About a year ago I was in Minnesota for one of my best friend’s weddings as a bridesmaid. As most wedding weeks go, it was crazy, high stress and a bit chaotic. I was starting to come down with a cold and it was then that the maid of honor introduced me to the wonderful world of essential oils Londa is a massage therapist and had brought with her to our hotel suite a huge bag full of essential oils. I took some oil concoction she created for me and within a couple days my cold was gone! At the time I was without health insurance and so I figured this was one way for me to invest in my health that didn’t include a large urgent care bill. Rather I hoped it would be preventative for me. Also if you know me you know that I smell everything I touch. When I go into libraries I sniff books. I sniff the smell of glossy magazines. You all know now my love for the smell of rain. When I was in 5^th grade I would pull out my neighbors rubber cement and sniff it (yeah….about that) Anyway I love my candles and I love my essential oils because they smell amazing! If things don’t smell good I can easily lose my appetite. All I can do is perseverate on how to get rid of that awful smell!

Here is a quick list of some of my favorite essential oils I do indeed possess.

Lavender: If you came to my wedding (aka at a lavender farm) you know how passionate I am about lavender. Lavender is the most versatile of all essential oils. Lavender is an adaptogen which means it helps the body adapt to stress or imbalances. It is great before bed in a sleep spray or in a bath. I use it just about every night. It can also be used to cleanse cuts, bruises and skin irritations. I have about 4-5 lavender essential oils running around, a few in the bedroom, a few in the bathroom and one at my office. It is seriously the best.

Peppermint: This is another of my favorites. It is one of the oldest and most highly regarded herbs for soothing digestion. I use this if I feel nausea or if I feel a migraine coming on. A combination of peppermint, lavender and eucalyptus is especially helpful in reducing headache pain. Peppermint has been known to improve concentration and mental sharpness so it's not something I take before I sleep but definitely if I feel a migraine sneaking up on me mid-afternoon it's a winner. 

Lemon: This can be used for a lot of different things. It can be added to water to enhance flavor or added to food (however make sure it’s an edible essential oil, some aren’t) Lemon can be paired with other essential oils to help with colds and sinues. You can make a facemask and include lemon as it’ s known to be beneficial to the skin. I like to pair it with Clove. 

Clove: This essential oil has immune enhancing properties. When I start to feel a cold coming on or a sore throat I’ll combine the Clove and Lemon, dilute them with some oil and swallow them in a pill or put them on my neck and massage it into my skin.

Orange: Supposedly this essential oil brings peace and happiness to the mind. I don’t know how true this is but I’ll take it. Besides it smells great! It is rich in the powerful antioxidant d-limonene and aids in maintaining normal cellular regeneration.

The great thing about essential oils is once you have a few and know a little you can start combining them. I combined my lavender and orange into a spray for a fun aroma. I also have lavender and rosemary which is really great for joint pain relief. I use Peppermint and Wintergreen for muscle soreness as well.

So there you have it, my self-care practice for the day. Hope you consider giving it a try too :)

Celebrating is a priority #31days

Recently I have been on a Darling kick. This magazine is good. And by good I mean absolutely awesome. Since I’ve also been on a Kinfolk kick I headed to Anthropologie the other night to buy the latest issue only to find they didn’t have it but they did have the latest issue of Darling. I am so proud there is a magazine out there that encourages women to celebrate being women without the objectification, degradation. Beauty apart from vanity and influence apart from manipulation, style apart from materialism. We can be full of wit and wisdom. We can create beauty and embody love...

I am just SO excited for a magazine that is not about losing pounds, the latest diet and how to look perfect without “trying” at all. While it is quite a bit more expensive than a celebrity gossip magazine I assure you it’s worth it (my brain tells me so)

Anyway tonight I am celebrating. I am celebrating that it is Thursday night and that the weekend is almost here. I am celebrating my cider candles. I am celebrating that Scott made a breaded parmesan chicken dinner for me. I am celebrating that we are sharing space as we read books and magazines (and blog!) I am celebrating that the moon looked HUGE tonight. I am celebrating that my hair stylist is a block from my apartment and that I can walk to her and visit my friends while they get their hair done. I am celebrating the orange and yellow flowers Scott brought me the other day when I had a headache. I am celebrating having bold conversations this week, sitting through hours of grueling training, passing and not failing, and emailing people I think are cooler than me. I am celebrating my new soft shirt that has an Owl wearing glasses that I got at Target today for 6 bucks on my lunch break.

I don’t need a birthday or a holiday to celebrate. Today is enough. This moment is enough.