*Disclaimer: This is to be read in a sarcastic tone. Please don't attempt to try this at home.
Don’t you just love nature? I love the way things grow and sprout up from the ground. I like the smell of fresh leaves after a rain. I adore the way I feel free and alive when I am near flowers and trees. My husband and I are both a bit of a contradiction. We love urban living and we love nature. We so value being able to walk to coffee shops, eateries, bookstores but we also love getting away into the wildness of nature.
So I’ve decided to have both. To live in mid San Diego, soak up the urban life and YES have a garden. I’m bringing the nature to me you guys.
In fact since we are so limited on space, we have decided to have an urban garden in my closet. Yes, MY CLOSET.
We checked out the community gardens nearby but they had a waiting list and we aren’t patient so it’s happening now.
So listen. Here are the steps to getting an urban garden in YOUR CLOSET in just 7 days..
- Most importantly you need to have a neglectful property management. If you want to grow anything apartment style you better hope they don’t notice anything.
- Make sure you have an apartment that has lots of leaks/floods and a fragile pipe system preferably. After all, anything that wants to grow NEEDS WATER YOU GUYS. No brainer.
- After you have secured a place that offers the potential of a hot water pipe break, then just wait for the magic to get started!
- Once your closet has successfully flooded and you have taken all your clothes out (sustainable food is more important than clothes people!) make sure the plumber makes a sizable hole in the wall to reach the pipe. Your garden needs room to grow!
- Now is the hard part, just wait a couple days, let the moisture, heat and hole just hang out together. Once you’ve planted the “seeds” this is a waiting game.
- In a few days (day 7 specifically) if you’re lucky and the conditions are right you will start to see MUSHROOMS sprouting up. Right there, in your closet. URBAN GARDEN WIN.
It’s up to you how you want to use your produce. Mushrooms can be put on your steak, pizza or in your salad. Get creative! You can also sell your produce like farmers market style and set up a little stand in your local town.
I’m considering selling my little mushrooms for about 100 bucks a piece. They are very special mushrooms. I’m not really sure but they just don’t strike me as your typical garden mushrooms. These mushrooms grew out of a wall so they are pretty resilient and I think probably full of magical potions. They grew like 6 inches overnight. That’s pretty incredible if you ask me.
I can’t stress enough how organic these mushrooms are. At times I had the urge to dump a bucket of bleach all over them because my clothes missed their closet home but I persevered!
It may take discipline and time to build your own urban garden but I’m here to tell you it can happen. You are worth it. Together we can make the world a better place.