I just love a blank white page. It’s Saturday. I am outside enjoying the sunny afternoon. I took Scott’s bike out for a ride and headed to the Carmelite monastery. It is my favorite place to think and be. It makes me want to always live in this neighborhood. I take a street called Hawley until it ends. It becomes more and more quiet the further down you go. Everything is so colorful as you enter the monastery flower garden. Colors of purple, pink, red, yellow, orange and white flowers surround me. Green bushes are manicured to perfection, a little path winds around the garden. There is a bench to sit on in the middle and trees that blow lazily with the breeze. The steps are a dusty red color. It is truly an enchanting little place I discovered. The monastery is white and ornate and has white pillars. The wooden French doors are carved with different pictures of ink, feather and quill, books, moon, stars , the cross, fish, leaves and flowers.
This is a place where there is really nothing to do but be. It’s calm and tranquil. I feel closer to Mary here and I feel closer to God here too. Sometimes I imagine the sister nuns watching me from their windows about the garden and praying for me. That alone fills my heart with solace. Sometimes I imagine Jesus sitting with me or praying for me. Sometimes I imagine what I would say to Mary if she and I could have a chat. There is a life size statue of her inside the monastery. I think I would ask her if Jesus was safe, if I could trust the Divine. I might ask her if females are really included and if we really are important in the Kingdom. I might ask her how she approaches the Divine or the Anointed, how she talks to God. I feel like I can come here and peer at Jesus over Mary’s shoulder where it feels safe and secure.There are yellow butterflies bouncing around me as I sit on my bench overlooking the garden and all it’s mystery.
I am reminded to ask Jesus to help me stay grounded and centered in who I am, that I am enough. That I can let go of striving. That Jesus needs me to be me. I am thankful for the many voices in my life that affirm my healthy decisions and cheer me on.
When I walk around our neighborhood I am reminded of my Grandma Moot’s daily walks and how she noticed all the details. When I was a kid I remember thinking that she walked so slow. I wanted to speed though everything I did to get to the next great thing. Now I understand her wisdom in a slow walk. She celebrated every little thing. I can heard birds chirping and I can see hummingbirds zooming past me. I want to be a person who lives in color and celebrates all the good little things, the person who keeps knocking to open the mysteries of life; I will keep seeking and finding a way to be at peace with me.